Items Newly Arrived At The Monkey’s Pawn Shop, Gently Used Occult Items At Friendly Prices
Voodoo doll, used only once. Slight aroma from being burnt in pizza oven and then stored in septic tank by previous owner.
Ouija board, brand new and in excellent shape, only able to contact the spirits of those who died from being trampled by a menstruating yak during Ash Wednesday festivities.
The Sacred Chalice Of Vront, certificate of authenticity included, Igloo cooler used by Vront worshipping cult to transport virgin livers and wine coolers to and from worship services.
Candles Of Baphomet, slightly used by warlock who “accidentally” slipped onto them while in the bathtub and then had them removed by local ER personnel.
Gems belonging originally to The Unholy Three, slightly damaged from prolonged use by a coven of white witches who were using the power of the stones in order to get the best tables at local brunch establishments.
The Blade Of Infinite Darkness needs a replaced charge cord in order to return darkness to infinite status, but is otherwise in good condition. Additional notes: several of the souls trapped within the blessed metals of the blade have since escaped into the Void Of Blasphemous Suffering, management takes no responsibility for potential future revenge possessions by aforementioned souls.
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
