Other New Additions To Trump’s Bible

Aside from having a cover made from the tanned hides of the children held in cages at the border, Donald Trump’s special edition approved Bible contains several bonus features.   Such as a copy of the Constitution, the Pledge of Allegiance and the lyrics to the song God Bless America.   But eagle-eyed readers (editor’s note, many particularly patriotic Trump voters have actually had the surgery to have their eyes replaced by eagle eyes)may have already noticed these….

Other New Additions To Trump’s Bible

Many verses in this version of the Bible are contained on a special separate audio file, but sung aloud backwards by members of the metal group Black Sabbath.

Recipe for Jesus’ fish and loaves special, with the extra savory addition of the Colonel’s secret recipe of herbs and spices added to the now fried fish.

Several books in this version of the Bible are presented Mad Libs style.

Many more bits featuring Jesus hanging out with prostitutes.

As a whole, less of a holier-than-thou attitude towards Sodom and Gomorra.

The Ten Commandments now officially designated as “fake news”.

Pro LGBTQ rainbow removed from story of Noah’s Ark and the great flood.

Addendum made to the story of Abraham, in which Trump confides that he too was recently commanded by God to kill one of his sons (his choice).