Know What Would Make Times Square Even Better? If It Was Way Too Crowded, It Was Midnight In December, And Ryan Seacrest Was There The Whole Time!

Whenever I make my way out to New York City, I always try to spend at least a few minutes in Times Square. See, while most people simply write off Times Square as being “too touristy” or “claustrophobic” or say that it’s “a garish, over-commercialized nightmare-prison that you should avoid at all costs”… I disagree.


Because I think that Times Square is great!


Yup. Can’t think of a single downside.


Not a single one.


But do you know what would make Times Square (the greatest place on earth) even better?


That’s right! If it was way, way (way) too crowded; it was midnight on December 31st; and if Ryan Seacrest was there the whole time!


Seriously, folks. I’m wracking my brain over here, and those are basically the only things I can think of that would improve Times Square (my favorite place on the planet).


That definitely doesn’t sound like hell to me. No sirree.


Seriously. Just think about everything you love about Times Square. Only in Times Square can a person literally drown in a sea of tourists, taxis, and knock-off Sesame Street characters who chase after you with the intensity of the monster from It Follows.


And that’s pretty freakin’ awesome!


But do you know what would make that experience even better?


That’s right!


If there were ten times as many tourists. If you had to wait in line with thousands of random strangers for 12 hours in the middle of night on the last day of December. If there weren’t any public restrooms. If there were way too many cops. And, if everyone around you was belligerently drunk and felt that they were, in some way, socially obligated to get a kiss at midnight.


Man, oh man. Now that sounds like something I’d love to experience first-hand!


That definitely doesn’t sound like a punishment straight out of a Greek tragedy.


Of course, we’ve got to remember that Times Square isn’t just known for the millions of tourists that visit it on an annual basis. It’s also the entertainment capital of the nation. Think about it, folks… only in Times Square can you personally watch some of the finest theatrical productions in the world.


But do you know what would make that experience even better?


I bet you do!


That’s right! If you couldn’t watch any of these critically-acclaimed shows because you’re trapped in Times Square at midnight on a national holiday. So, instead of seeing Hamilton, you get to watch Ryan Seacrest and Jenny McCarthy interview celebrities for upwards of 6 consecutive hours. And then you get to watch a series of musicians you don’t recognize lip sync their way through a playlist of holiday songs that you’ve already heard ad nauseam in Starbucks and in supermarkets for the past two freaking months.


And also all the restaurants are closed so there’s no food.


Oh man. Now that sounds like a great way to spend twelve consecutive hours outdoors in sub-zero temperatures!


Look folks, New York City clearly has tons of great destinations inside of its five incredible boroughs. But, without a doubt, the greatest gem that the Big Apple has to offer is Times Square. And if we could just find a way to cram another two hundred thousand people into it, and make it midnight on December 31st, and (of course) bring in Ryan Seacrest…


Now that would be an experience you’d be crazy to miss out on!