Mariah Carey’s Excuses For Her Horrible NYE Performance
Distracted by the horribly intense yeast infection brought on immediately by her insanely tight and inappropriate costume.
She wasn’t told that she would actually have to sing.
Forgot that her deal with Satan ran out exactly at midnight, December 31, 2016.
Just naturally assumed that everyone would be starting at her boobs, and wouldn’t even notice the performance.
Not able to stop thinking about that gypsy woman that she, Prince, David Bowie and George Michael ran off the road back in the 90’s.
The wedgie to end all wedgies.
Mistakenly thought that this was yet another of her performances for the leaders of ISIS, and wanted to show her patriotism by messing up on purpose.
In honor of Dick Clark, wanted to make sure that there were plenty of “bloopers”.
Figured that everyone would be too wasted to care (she was right).
There was a huge glowing ball slowly falling from the sky, and she was pretty sure that the zombie apocalypse had begun.
The smell from the ports-potties upset her delicate artistic sensibilities.
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
