Mike Pence’s Thoughts As The Plane Skidded Around

Republican Vice Presidential candidate Mike Pence was in a plane that skidded around New York’s LaGuardia Airport in rainy conditions Thursday afternoon shortly before landing safely. Here are his thoughts as he skidded around.

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Who knew I’d be seated in a row with a Christian, a conservative, and a Republican. In that order.

 

I should have doubled down on those pretzels when I had a chance.

 

Will people be able to recognize my face in the paper or think I’m the other guy? Man, what is the other guy’s name? Other VP. Think, Pencey, think. He was just on TV. WITH YOU. Well, if it was NCIS, this wouldn’t be an issue. Or Bones. Uch. I love Bones.

 

I knew I shouldn’t have strayed so far from Indiana. Indiana, home of Gary, Indiana. Meaning this guy I know, Gary, great guy.

 

Why didn’t I ever tell Hillary I loved her pantsuit? How can I never find those when I go to Men’s Warehouse? Focus, Pencey. There are no guarantees in life. It’s like, it’s like global warming.

 

Bet the Post headline tomorrow will be “Slippery When Pence.” Ah ha ha! Good one, Pencey! (high fives self)

 

I gotta tell people I’m okay. My wife, my kids, Carly Fiorina. But not at first.

 

Why was it me who was the VP nominee when I wasn’t even a candidate for president? Or was I? I forget. It was crowded in that debate. Was that the whole republican party? Felt like the republican block party, if anything.

 

I can’t believe this crazy disaster happened when we were RIGHT at the end. Why do things like that ALWAYS happen to me?

 

I could yell “I hate Trump!” right now and just claim it was stress after.

 

Dooo it. Dooo it.

 

Penceyyyyy.