Other Crazy Beliefs Of The MyPillow Guy

MyPillow CEO’s Cyber Symposium Goes Down in Flames After His ‘Cyber Guy’ Admits It’s a Sham  The effort to prove election fraud in the U.S. was one goofy disaster after another. (GIZMODO 8/12/2021)

Aside from his ongoing battle with reality, what else does MyPillow guy Mike Lindell believe:


“Butterscotch pudding is sentient, and using your tummy as a place to procreate and dispense mind-controlling worms.”

“Andrew Cuomo’s discarded nipple rings can be used to construct a helmet with which to contact yodeling enthusiasts from other dimensions.”

“Beverly Hills 90210 is superior to Melrose Place.”

“Chupacabra are homeless people who have transformed to a beast-like state due to constantly forgetting to say the blessing before meals.”

“Playing Connect Four with an uncircumcised dentist can inadvertently summon several demons of varying caliber.”

“Hershey’s with almonds is better than Snickers.”

“If you shave your left buttock, and then gently sprinkle the hairs upon a newborn infant, the child will someday grow up to experience the splendor and grandeur of owning a company that produces and nationally distributes pillows.”

“Ancient Mayans began the cycle of mystical summoning that ultimately resulted in that weird stuff that you find beneath your toenails.”

“French kissing is an invention of Satan himself; who, perhaps not coincidentally, is quite good at it.”

“A mixture of ranch dressing, paint thinner and holy water is like Extra-Strength Nyquil from Heaven itself.”

“It’s not DiGiorno, it is delivery!   It is, it is, it is!!!”


by Kit Lively

Kit Lively

Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence