Other Things That Fall Under Trump’s Definition Of A National Emergency

Landscaper guys left a shovel on the front lawn again.

Guy in next limo didn’t have any Grey Poupon.

Ping pong ball from stripper landed on his steak.

Dab of buffalo sauce got into his eye again.

Golf cart ran over kid’s stuffed animal, got stuck in wheels and had to go to the club mechanic.

Porn star girlfriend filmed all day, and now smells like a mixture of pina colada and bleach.

Hornet’s nest over by the fifteenth hole.

Lock on backstage door at Miss Teen USA Pageant.

Sean Hannity not making enough direct eye contact through TV.

Cable out during marathon of CHiPs reruns.

Super-Size order of fries only contains 47 fries, instead of the usual 52.

Homeless people and other undesirables loitering near Trump Tower.

Ivanka finds and paints over peephole in bedroom closet.