Our Desperate Writing Submission for Breitbart

Hello! We are writers who have not had success being hired by any website, so we thought we’d trade in our values for a job at the enviable Breitbart. Here are our headline pitches. And, um, White power to you and yours.

 

The Case for Steve Bannon as America’s Sex Symbol

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Why Women Should Never Be Allowed Past Your Foyer

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27 Things Only White People Would Understand Because We’re The Superior Race

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My Problem With Muslims Except For The One Who Works In My Office

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14 Times Putin Made Us Horny But Still Not Gay

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Here They Are! Our Favorite White Identitarians! (Nazis…We’re talking about nazis)

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In Remembrance of Those Who Perished in the Uh Oh Terror Time Travesty

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How Trolling Feminists On Facebook Can Bring You Closer to White God

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America’s Greatest Patriots and Their Dirty, Foreign Wives (Donald Trump, Tom Brady, and the rest of the boys!)  

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If Scientists Are So Smart Why Come They All Are Virgins?

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Will This Leftist Magician Saw Your Rights in Half?

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If Civil Rights Are Real, Then Why Won’t The Black Guy At Work Let Me Say The N Word?

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Russia is Bad and Who’s Killed More Russians Than Putin? No One, That’s Who! Huzzah?

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Trump Wouldn’t Not Sign Those Executive Orders If They Didn’t Never Make Everything That Wasn’t Good Not Better

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