Presidential Candidates Running On A Platform of Basically Just Charisma
A Man Who Just Rolled Up His Sleeves 2020
Ted Danson Hosting A Dinner Party 2020
A 5th Year Senior Hitting on a Freshman 2020
Andy, Who Just Convinced Us All to Go to the Beach 2020
An Effete Action Movie Villain Played By A 90s Character Actor 2020
Someone Who Made A Spotify Playlist with Four Songs You Like On It 2020
A Stranger in a Leather Jacket We Haven’t Seen Around Town Before 2020
A Little League Coach Who Gives Everyone Nicknames 2020
Buzz Lightyear of Star Command 2020
A ‘Kennedy / Johnson 1960’ Button 2020
Someone Who Pinches The Bridge of Their Nose to Display Intellectual Effort But Grins at the Same Time to Suggest a Love of the Game 2020
A Skateboard That Can Talk 2020
A Speech Bubble With the Words “Do You Wanna Get Out Of Here?” 2020
Someone Who Dodged Your Question About Policy But It’s Fine Because They Were Blowing Smoke Rings 2020
A Firm Handshake You Got There! 2020
Someone Revealing the Details of Their Long Con 2020
David Strathairn or Anyone Who Says His Name Out Loud and Emphasizes the “Th” 2020
Someone Who Got A Great Haircut Two Days Ago 2020
The California Raisins 2020
Someone Who Laughs At the Perfect Volume 2020
A Saturnine Italian Boy with Dark, Compelling Eyes, Gazing At You From Across the Discotheque on Your Semester Abroad 2020
Any Politician Who Plays Any Instrument Other Than the Flute 2020
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Graham Techler is a writer and comedian. His writing has been featured by The New Yorker, McSweeney’s, Splitsider, Paste Magazine, and The Hard Times. He grew up outside of Boston, and is now the only comedy writer living in Brooklyn. That’s all you’re getting out of him. Also, you can follow him on Twitter @gr8h8m_t3chl3r.
