Meet the Animal Mayors Running, Scampering, and Flying for Reelection in 2022

Tippy the Tortoise | Florida: Affectionately known as the “Marsh Monarch,” Tippy has been mayor of this coastal city for 95 years. He has seen mighty politicians rise and fall, and yet he has remained. Despite a rumored networth of $7B, he has been plagued by financial troubles: he has sired thousands of children and his exes are all extremely litigious.

Road Trip Stops You Won't Want To Miss!!

Apples & Bees, Shappalap, OK- Not to be confused with the popular chain of bar and grill restaurants located throughout North America, Apples & Bees is instead an apple orchard that is open to the public, but also plagued regularly by swarms of bees.

AK Mart and 14 Other NRA approved Wedding Registries

Crate and Gun Barrel, Bed, Blood Bath and Beyond, Target, and more.

Welcome to Our Town’s Walking Tour Where We Choose to Focus on Abraham Lincoln’s Visit Here and Not That Famously Bad Thing That Happened in the 80s

Thank you for meeting me here under this lamppost at 3:30PM, and welcome to my hometown’s walking tour. As most of you know, our town is famous because – for a 22-hour period of time – our nation’s 16th president, Abraham Lincoln, stayed here. Yep, that’s what we’re known for. Nothing else. No matter what a certain HBO documentary might lay out in graphic detail. Anyway, let’s get started!

Enjoy Your Weekly Humorist Article, Hartford

Hartford’s area codes are 860 and 959: Whenever someone talks about “life in the 860 or 959,” if that’s something they do, maybe that’s what they’re talking about. I’m not sure what slang terms Hartford folk use to discuss their city.

CARTOON: Operation Enduring Autumn

Don't fall for it. Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

CARTOON: Post Trump Infrastructure Repair

Build it back stronger. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Helpful Money Making Tips For Getting America Out Of Debt

Fees for vaccinations that contain an added boost of Cialis. Make Trump pay his fines to the IRS. And more!

Pitching Presidential Pardons to the Constitutional Convention 

I know this whole time we’ve been pushing “checks and balances,” but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say there shouldn’t be any checks on this presidential power. It’s definitely risky, don’t get me wrong. Just don’t ever, ever elect someone who you think might be tempted to abuse the unlimited power of pardoning any federal conviction they want. 

CARTOON: Just A Flesh Wound

I'll bite your ankles! Today's cartoon by Tom Chitty.

Other Ways to Describe the Election Right Now Besides “A Real Nail-Biter”

An authentic democracy strainer, A good ol’ fashioned hope chomper, An honest-to-goodness reason for cable news anchors to tap smartboards and say “What are we looking at?” when what we’re looking at is actually nothing, and more!

CARTOON: Scariest Costume

Gave me chills. Today's cartoon by Grayson Gibbs.

Seven New Rules to Ensure the Second Presidential Debate will be more Presidential than the First

Rule #2: The moderator will have the ability to mute a candidate's microphone if he fails to give the other candidate an opportunity to speak. The candidate in violation will be docked an electoral vote from a battleground state of his opponents choosing.

CARTOON: Biden's Debate Preparation

Don't get creamed! Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

Weekly Humorist's Election Season Forecast Calendar

Thursday, October 15- Following the previous evening's debate, Trump voters decide to finally being wearing masks, but due to embarrassment rather than pandemic concerns.

CARTOON: Every Boat Counts

Just get in the F#cking boat. Today's cartoon by Joe Wos.

Other Ways That Trump Will Probably Try To Distract Us From The Pandemic 

Play a few rounds of golf in the Arlington National Cemetery.  And more!


'Hawaii: We're All Getting Lei'd!' 'California: Thongs and bongs.' 'Delaware came first', and more #SexyStateSlogans on this week's joke game!

Hollywood-Written Democratic Primary Call Scripts

Mayor Pete: Oof, wow! Mayor Pete? Why would I want a President who looks like a ventriloquist doll and a serial killer had a baby, am I right?!?


Too subtle? Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

Some Other Pieces of Americana, Revised By The Trump Administration

God Bless America: Written by Irving Berlin, Revised by President Trump “God, bless America, / Land that I love. / Although Baltimore is a real rat-infested hell.”

Everybody in This Country Needs to Chill Out and That's Why I'm Voting for Jimmy Buffett in 2020

Mahalo, friends. Does the current political climate have you…

A Gaslight in the Attic: Thoughts and Prayers

We’ve prayed on it so much / We’ve kept them in our thoughts, / But week after week / They keep taking shots!

CARTOON: Uncontrollable

Uncontrollably scripted! Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

Questions For Robert "Bobby" Mueller

Let's speculate that our current political situation were an Agatha Christie novel; would you say that these hearings represent the last few pages of that novel?

Thoughts on Choosing a 2020 Democratic Candidate, or Which Subway to Take Home at Night

Instead of going all the way, it's stopping somewhere in the middle. It's still running, but on a different platform than I expected. I don't feel safe with this choice after 11pm. And more!

CARTOON: Debatable

Debatable demo. Today's cartoon by Kit Lively and David DeGrand.

Memorial Day Picnic Tips

Honor our fallen soldiers by eating mayonnaise-based “salads” that have been sitting in the sun all day. And more.

CARTOON: I'm Melting!

Don't go chasing waterfalls. Today's cartoon by Paul Lander and Dan McConnell.

CARTOON: Super Choices

Election Day super cartoon by Pat Byrnes.

This Is Not The America I Recognize From The Back Of All Those State Quarters

This is not the America that we were promised--the America on the back of all those commemorative state quarters from 18 years ago. The ones with all the pictures on them. Illinois is still a ginormous picture of Abe Lincoln wearing an unbuttoned shirt that reveals way too much of his chest. Waaay too much of his chest.

An Asylum Seeking Migrant Answers Tricky Office Job Interview Questions

They always try to get you with those trick questions.

Mr. Assad, We Find This One Specific Type Of Murder Unacceptable

Dear Mr. Assad, We, the collected powers of France, the…

Trump’s First State of the Union

“I don’t really like cheeseburgers. It’s fake news. I’m losing weight and am down to 175 pounds, clearly you can see that.”

Trump's First 100 Days

The biggest accomplishments by the Trump Administration during…

President Trump Welcomes the First Pet

“Black crows in the meadow Across a broad highway Though…

The Aussie-American War – Letters from the Front

June 23, 2017 – Camp Pendleton, CA Dear Mom, Today,…

Extreme Vetting

"We take you live to New York City's John F. Kennedy International…

Mr. Trump Goes to Washington

Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House… The next President…

Other Revelations from the U.S. Intelligence Community

  Russian hackers got into the Nielsen computers and sabotaged…