Rainbow Capitalism Products That Companies Confidently Assumed the Gays Would Buy During Pride Month

“Say Gay” T-Shirt
Fight the fascists who fund the “Don’t Say Gay” laws by putting your money where your mouth is and giving it to us to then fund our very expensive billionaire CEO.

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“Love is Love” Plushie
Decorate that empty spot on your teacher’s desk with a colorful lovie now that you can’t keep photos of you and your queer beloved having gay fun at Disney World.

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Blue Beer Cans with an Iconic Trans Woman On It
Bring people of all gender and sexual orientations together over a beer. Who knew the bridge between Republicans and queer folk could be a famously cheap beer?!

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“Born this Gay” Sequin Blazer
Dress up for that job interview then receive your rejection promptly thereafter for being so very gay.

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LA Dodgers Rainbow Nun Habit
Missing your favorite drag nuns? Buy this habit from us- the ones who uninvited them from our LGBTQ+ Pride Night in the first place!

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Glitter Pepper Spray
Beautify your attackers with gorgeous rainbow glitter while you’re the one arrested for having pepper spray.

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Mail Carrier Airline Tickets for Couples Retreat
Getaway in the seclusion of our cargo airline among welcoming packages where no one will be able to bump you out of first class or “randomly” assign you to another seat because you don’t share a last name and not being heterosexual means you must not be traveling together.

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Robotic Kid Made Special for Same Sex Couples
Finally a “child” that will love you like the real “parents” you want to be! Because it’s not what’s in your heart that’s important to love a child (and our business), it’s the prerequisites in your pants.

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Vulva-Shaped Rocket to Outer Space
You want a vulva? You’ve got it! This Vulva Rocket will take you far away to stay in a galaxy that’s absolutely gay. Gay-laxy, if you will.