Seven Hacks to Make Doing Laundry More Rewarding

It’s easy to fall into a rut when doing laundry, so mix things up with these tried and true yet simple methods to make this domestic chore more gratifying.

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1.      Try a new detergent: Tired of lavender scented laundry? Go ahead and try Spring Fresh for a cycle or two. A new scent can invigorate the nostrils and the spirit! If you’re feeling extra bold, invent your own scents! How fun would it be if all your laundry smelled like Pizza! or Bonnaroo Tent! or Grateful Dead Show or Essence of J. Lo.

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2.     Experiment with a new fabric softener: If you’re feeling downright rebellious, maybe try a new fabric softener. Are you a slave to softener sheets? Why not try liquid softener and see how the other half lives. We won’t tell your mom what a little deviant you’ve become.

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3.      Make it a game: Time yourself folding a load, record your time, and try to beat your record with the next load. Make sure the loads are of equal size to guarantee the competition is fair. To measure load size accurately, invest in an industrial-sized scale. And don’t forget to consider the composition of each load. For example, loads of towels will be quicker to fold than loads of underwear and socks regardless of weight. Develop a formula to standardize loads of different composition for the sake of folding time comparison. Run the formula by your local mathematician to make sure everything checks out. This might seem like a lot of work, but it’s worth it because any victories you achieve might feel hollow if there is no way to verify the importance of the results. Much like the soccer trophy in your attic that you won when you were eight. To wash away the painful memories of tiny cleats trampling you and the first eight times you saw Gigli, choreograph your folding to J.Lo’s moves in her “Waiting for Tonight” video.

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4.      Run a load of clothes with a few large items mixed in: When you’re folding, pull those big items out first, fold them, and voila! You just decreased the size of your pile by at least one third. This must be what sniffing glue feels like. Also, if you’re the eBay buyer who purchased the Versace dress that J.Lo. wore to the 2000 Grammys, wash that. Otherwise, any J. Lo apparel you have on hand will do.

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5.      Start a laundry business: You have tons of experience with laundry, so why not cash in on your expertise? Specialize in something like “blood stains” or “J.Lo’s award show gowns.” Film a series of highly relatable and hilarious short videos about laundry to use as advertisements for your new endeavor. Post them on Instagram. Go viral. Receive a flurry of emails from agents and Hollywood types. Sift through them over coffee while you’re waiting for your delicates to dry. Decide to ignore all the inquiries and offers, and instead, enroll in law school. Specialize in entertainment and contract law. Graduate summa cum laude. Set the dryer to the refresh setting and run it for fifteen minutes. Delicates wrinkle like hell when left unattended in the dryer for three years. Start a media company. Identify the best up-and-coming talent in music, acting, and modeling. Sign all of them. Identify the next J.Lo. Just kidding. There will never be another J.Lo. Sell your company and portfolio of clients to a larger agency. Become a billionaire.

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6.      Hide things in the pockets of the clothes you’ll wear next season: Then, when you’re washing them a few months later, boom! Free things! What a fun surprise!

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7.      Commit a murder: Use all your white towels to clean up the blood. Woah, there is so much blood. Way more blood than in the movies. It’s everywhere. Ugh. The adrenaline is really pumping. You’re scared. But at least you’re not bored. Oh no, your new tennis shoes are ruined. You’ll definitely need a new pair before the member-guest tennis tournament next week. You’ll also need a new guest to play with, preferably one with a reliable backhand volley. Don’t worry about that now, though. Head to Target to buy some more towels. Make sure to change clothes first. Your shirt is completely red now and you don’t want to be mistaken for a Target employee because that would be awkward. Pick up five or six more bottles of bleach in addition to the towels. If the cashier looks at you funny, just smile naturally and defuse the tension by saying something bland and unmemorable like “I definitely do not need this bleach to clean up after a murder.” Head back home, finish sopping up the blood, and throw everything into the washer. This better work because the cops are at the door. Quick. Pour a bottle or two of bleach in the washer and start it. Use the sanitize setting. You’ve always wondered what that one was for and this seems like as good a time as any to find out. Play it cool for the cops. Don’t mention the murder. If they ask about the bleach smell and the tennis shoes, say something about your dog having the Ebola virus. “Yes, dogs can get it. Who knew?” This will freak them out and they will leave immediately. Good work. Back to the laundry. Throw the towels into the dryer. Don’t use any fabric softener, because that decreases absorbance and who knows when you might need to absorb a lot of liquids again. Use the permanent press setting because it’s your go-to even though you don’t know what that one does. Wow. Your whites have never looked brighter! Who knew doing laundry could feel so rewarding!