Signs That You’re At A Crummy Garage Sale
1) Knick knacks are in a box marked as “evidence”.
2) They didn’t mow the lawn before setting up, and their biggest selling item is insect and small rodent repellent.
3) All Velcro items for sale must be removed from their display: the family uncle’s shirtless, hairy back.
4) Customers are allowed to “try out” the selection of old nudie mags in several nearby porta-potties.
5) The guy stationed at their kissing booth is clearly an unwashed drifter, and based on your third trip through the line, he’s been chewing tobacco as well.
6) Not only do the underpants have obvious skid-marks, but so do the dress shirts, scarves and baseball caps.
7) Their snack bar clearly consists entirely of the items you cleaned out from the refrigerator and threw away earlier in the day.
8) They’re obviously trying to sell you a cursed mirror, but won’t even consider throwing in the baggie of Hello Kitty shoelaces for free.
9) The margarita machine has no tequila included, but plenty of worms.
10) The prostate exams, while admittedly affordable, are to be honest a bit rough and dry.
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
