So, What Exactly Do You Have To Do To Get Your Security Clearance Revoked By Trump?

Delete episodes of To Catch A Predator from his DVR (“Lots of fine people on that show.”, Trump assured us)

Sweep up random Rolo candies that had fallen beneath the Oval Office couch. (“Hey, those were all still okay!”, complained Trump)

Drive Ivanka’s dirty laundry to the cleaners. (“Don’t do that… I can do that. It’s okay, I usually just do that by myself.” offers a visibly flustered Trump)

Wear a similar style of shorts as him on the White House’s Casual Friday. (“They said that these were the only pair like this.” pouted Trump)

Step on the carpet in the Oval Office between 1:00 and 2:45 during the afternoon. (“You can’t step there, that’s lava. That’s lava, so you just died.” chastised Trump)

Bogart the chicken nugget dipping sauces. (“They only gave me eight barbecue and five ranch.”, Trump explains)

Spoil the ending of The Sixth Sense. (“Thanks a lot. I never saw that movie!! I was going to eventually, but now you’ve ruined it.” scolded Trump)

Outbid him on a beloved eBay item. (“Do you know how long I’ve been looking for a genuine Boss Hogg suit, used on the actual show?? Get out of my sight, you disgust me.” growled a visibly shaken Trump)