disney – Weekly Humorist

QUIZ: Disney World EPCOT Center Pavilion Country or Country Felon Trump Banned From Visiting

June 4, 2024

It's getting to be a smaller and smaller world after all! Take the quiz!

#Live Tweeting the Wait Line for Slinky Dog Roller Coaster

January 25, 2024

Things are moving now! We just moved up 5 places! Oh, wait, it seems a family ahead of us passed out and are being removed from the line. Still, we’re moving up!

Werner Herzog’s Requiem for a Steamboat

January 2, 2024

As Mickey navigates the treacherous waters, his cheerful whistle provides a stark contrast to the grim realities that surround him. The boat's three haunting toots serve as a chilling reminder of the dangers that lurk in the shadows. Those silent predators of our existence, patiently waiting to pounce upon the unsuspecting. They are the unsung terrors that shape our fears and fuel our nightmares, hidden from the light of day.

Matterhornier and 8 Other Disney World Upgraded Attractions

September 29, 2023

Matterhornier, It’s a Medium Size World After All, Dumbo The Flying First Class Elephant, and more!

Acceptable Mermaid Skin Tones: A Guide for Racists

September 13, 2022

*Not a comprehensive guide: mermaids are fictional creatures.

Disney Unveils Plot For New “Reedy Creek Improvement District” Princess Movie

April 29, 2022

You see Creekerella recently stood behind a group of marginalized people who Fairy King DeSantis was trying to smite. Officially, Creekerella, The Reedy Creek Improvement District, and the Walt Disney Co always support marginalized people. Sometimes they just take a little time to assess the financial and political fallback, as is good business.

Totally True Oscar Facts

March 27, 2022

Tom Hanks, Sean Penn, and Jack Nicholson are secretly all the same man. Disney's Dumbo is the first NC-17 film to ever be nominated. No one has ever seen The English Patient. And more!

#DisgustingDisneyMovies

January 26, 2022

The Little Sperm Maid, Seeping Booty, Beauty and the Yeast and more #DisgustingDisneyMovies on this week's trending joke game!

What's New On Streaming?

July 8, 2021

The Haunting Of Geraldine's Toaster (Netflix) In the terrifying tradition of previous Netflix hits The Haunting Of Hill House and The Haunting Of Bly Manor, this new entry centers on young, optimistic family the Guthries. The Guthries have just moved into a refurbished house with a terrifying past, and an even more horrific toaster, possessed by true evil.

CARTOON: Double Trouble

January 26, 2021

It's A Small World After All. Today's cartoon by Paul lander and Dan McConnell.

Even More Specialized New Streaming Services!

July 30, 2020

Selleck-Select: Have you ever been watching a tv show or movie and thought to yourself, "This is okay, I guess... but sure would be a lot better if all of the characters were sporting a Tom Selleck-style stache!" Then you're in for a real treat with Selleck-Select!

The Overlook Hotel’s Safety Measures for Reopening Now That We Know the Hotel Is a Sentient Being That’s out for Blood.

July 17, 2020

While it appears the hotel is a sentient being that has taken control of every caretaker we’ve ever had, turning them into psychopaths who have killed or attempted to kill their entire family, we want you to know we’re doing everything we can to keep it from doing that to any of our guests. However, since spiritual forces are notoriously difficult to contain, we’re legally obligated to alert you to the voluntary risks you’re taking by staying with us.

Hall of Impeached Presidents And 9 Other Disney World Updated Attractions For 2020 Grand Reopening

July 14, 2020

It’s a Smaller World After All - (With Americans banned from most countries on this ride) and more!

CARTOON: Dizzy Disney

July 14, 2020

Spreading more then cheer. Today's cartoon by Lila Ash.

Revised Rides at Reopening Disney Shanghai

May 8, 2020

If You Thought It Was A Small World Before, Just Wait A Few More Weeks, The Tower of Terrible Tik Toks, Don't Splash Anything On Me Mountain, and more.

Greta Thunberg Responds to My Request That She Advocate For My 5 Most Pressing Concerns

October 11, 2019

This is all wrong. I shouldn’t be reading this. I should be back in school on the other side of the ocean. Yet you come to us young people for hope. How dare you! Stop eating the queso. If Chipotle charges that much extra for it – toss a slice of cheese in the microwave, or better, cook that cheddar over an open flame.

Plot Lines for the Next 8 ‘Toy Story’ Movies

June 25, 2019

Toy Story 6 (2025) Bonnie, now in her early twenties, introduces a new kind of toy to her closet. In a drama reminiscent of the 1995 original, our characters must compete with a new “Woody” and “Buzz” for Bonnie’s affection.

I’ll Let the Hostages Go When You Agree to a Sky High Sequel

February 21, 2019

Can you imagine my pain of not living in a Sky High oriented world for so long? The rejection from society turning me into a Sky High pariah? My friends don’t even remember the name of the villain (it’s Gwen).

When You Wish Upon A Starfish, Only Fish-Related Dreams Can Come True (By Bob Iger, CEO Of Disney)

February 5, 2019

Again folks, we here at Disney apologize deeply for this oversight. But, as you can see, the effect that this policy-update should have on your day-to-day wish/dream schedule is, at best, minimal. And as long as you remember that starfish-related wishes should only be made in the context of fish-related dreams, then there should be no problem whatsoever!

Mister T Cups and Other 9 Rejected Theme Park Rides

November 30, 2018

Splash Mountain of Debt, The Tunnel of Courtney Love, Thunder Thighs Mountain and more.

Frozen on Broadway Review: It’ll Run Forever Anyway So What’s the Point

April 2, 2018

Disney’s chillest musical opened on Broadway this Thursday…

He’s Got Really Small Hands After All and 8 Other New Disney World Rides Added in Honor of Trump’s New Wax Figure in Hall of Presidents

December 20, 2017

Jared Kushner’s Slum Lords of The Caribbean He’s…

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