Thank You For Attending This Memorial Service, Please Vote On November 6th
Times like these are difficult and can bring about questions we’re not used to asking: What happens when we die? Why did Thomas leave us? Do you know where your polling place is? Maybe you’re even questioning your faith. But God has a plan for everyone, just like you should have a plan for voting. You can rage at God for taking Thomas, but if you don’t vote, you can’t complain.
There is much we can learn from how Thomas led his life. When he began painting at age 74, he taught us it’s never too late to start a new hobby, just like it’s never too late to experience the empowering act of voting. He had a dog a while back, and that taught us we should care for living things and protect them from getting annihilated by climate change by voting for people who believe in basic science. His annual Christmas letter was always highly anticipated in the community, and there’s no real lesson in that, but I thought it might be a good time to remind you that you can vote by mail.
A retrospective on Thomas’s life wouldn’t be complete without mentioning his love of sports. Nearly every day Thomas would run through town in his signature neon vest. I can’t think of a better way for us to honor his legacy than to exercise our right to vote for Democrats running for office this Fall. Thomas was a devoted Little League coach, spending countless summer nights helping children learn to throw the perfect curveball. And hey, let’s avoid another curveball like we had in 2016 by getting out there and voting. Let’s win this one for Thomas! And our country! Mostly our country, at this point.
During the past few days, I’ve had many of Thomas’s friends and family send me clips of articles he’d written for the Gazette. They’re an amazing record of his talent. Speaking of records, I did a little digging and found somebody’s voting record! Looks like ol’ Thomas voted in every election except for a weird time in the 1980s when he kind of went off the grid. Shouldn’t we all be like Thomas? Kind, athletic, politically-informed Thomas? So go out there and live life to the fullest! And for the love of God, get to the polls on or before November 6th because while Thomas is in heaven, our country is going to hell.
As you process out, the St. Ben’s organist will play some songs by recent voting advocate Taylor Swift. Please take your program with you as it contains directions to the cemetery, the link to the GoFundMe page for Thomas’s hospital bills, and a sample ballot.
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Adrienne is a comedian living in Chicago. Her writing has appeared on McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Splitsider, and The Belladonna. Occasionally, she tweets @acteeley.