Thanksgiving Internationale By Chef Louis
Bon jour, America! We here at the kitchens of Chez Chaz have discussed this many, many times and we had decided it is time. Time to save Thanksgiving from you Americans. The holiday fare is so Americanized. Yes, yes, it is true; turkey, stuffing, apple cider. It is stale, it is stodgy. You Americans, it would kill you to broaden your horizons? My staff and I have been working very hard to introduce a special Thanksgiving menu which we will be serving this year. What we have done is no less than remarkable. We have turned Thanksgiving into a gastronomic event!
Apparently the yams are quite big here. Very well; we present to you Sweet & Sour Potatoes. Notice how the bits of pickle and pineapple contrast with the yam. Tre bien! Jean-Claude Van Damm once killed a man for taking his sweet and sour potatoes.
Now, for the main course we have created Turkey Catetori. It just drops off the bone does it not? No more dry, stringy poultry to carve up. This is turkey so tender and so moist, you can practically drink it. And, of course, the water chestnut stuffing. Just like Mao used to make. It has a delightful crunchy texture.
We have been hard at work creating the perfect side dishes to compliment these culinary wonders. Here we have the sushi pot pie. You may ask how do you keep the fish raw while you bake the crust? Easy! The crust is raw, too! That is not all: what meal wouldn’t be improved with some pumpkin wurst and the mincemeat crapes? Not many, that is for sure! We have outdone ourselves, no?
You would think it would be hard to top that. Yet, we have! For desert, the cranberry flambe! Oui. It gives you a real reason to be thankful, no? It certainly makes you wonder what the Pilgrims were thinking. Corn, bah! How could they eat corn when we would serve them a lovely slice of pumpkin l’orange pie? Puritans, who can figure them?
So, now that we have set your mouths to watering, we hope to see you at Chez Chaz, the home of the traditional Thanksgiving dinner internationale. Bon appetite!
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I’m a writer and live in New York City. Downtown New York. Very downtown New York. Okay, I live in Staten Island. Armed with only my wits and a keyboard, I’ve written for Cracked Magazine, The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers, Prairie Home Companion, Mad, TMI: Hollywood, and other stuff.
