Updated Rules For The Turkey Trot T-Shirt Design Contest
Every submission becomes the property of the Kenword Run Club and the county of Fairfield. The submitter attests that their design is their own and is wholly original.
The submitter must be a Fairfield County resident as of November 1st, 2023, and not be using the woods behind the high school as a residential address.
The design MUST include a cartoon of Turkey participating in a running race. Turkey should not be lighting dynamite underneath Town Hall, looking delighted to punch town clergy, or shotgunning a Polish energy drink called Gushy that the submitter is currently illegally selling out of their garage.
The Turkey cartoon character design should not be shown predicting voter fraud in the 2024 Presidential election.
The phrase “2023 Turkey Trot Race” must be featured on the shirt but should not be followed by the word “Riot.”
The T-shirt must not mention the deaths caused by last year’s Turkey Trot, the alleged cause, or whether last year’s t-shirt was made of highly flammable fabrics ignited by a runner’s body heat.
If a business wishes to have its name on the t-shirt, it must pay an extra fee of two hundred dollars. They cannot submit a design and then hand out a decoder ring, which onlookers use to correlate with the symbols on the shirt to spell out their business.
Submissions featuring depictions of turkeys are acceptable, and turkeys can be parodies of pop culture figures like Barbie or Indiana Jones. Turkeys CANNOT be drawn as hyper-realistic humanoids with enormous genitals. They also cannot be turkey humanoids with tiny genitals that look like Kenword Run Club President Eric Wilder.
T-shirts can not have designs predicting the winner, odds of a runner winning, and what local bar is holding bets on which runner will win.
Submission should be in a JPEG or TIFF file format. Unknown Russian or black market encrypted picture formats will be reported to the appropriate authorities.
T-shirt design can not claim that the Turkey Trot 5K is an Olympic qualifying race.
Turkey Trot t-shirt design can not be used as a document to apply for LLC or S-Corp tax status. The t-shirt contest entry fee can not be used as a business write-off even if the submitter shouts nutrition or financial advice while running.
A reminder that it is your responsibility as a t-shirt submitter to understand an NFT. Repeated voicemails with questions about NFTs and how to get one on a t-shirt will not be returned.
The Kenword Run Club does not reimburse submitters for drawing classes used to create the submission, whether taken in the continental United States or in the summer in a small artist colony in Portugal.
You will not be reimbursed for gas and mileage when submitting via email. Any gas receipts will also not be honored or refunded just because they were delivered by the submitter angrily in person.
The Kenword Run Club will print the winning design on a t-shirt with traditional sizing; new size suggestions will not be considered, for example, “CUTE! A TINY TINY” or “TARP.”
The Kenword Run Club reserves the right to cancel the 2023 Turkey Trot 5K if the temperature dips below freezing, the race course is deemed unsafe because of debris, or the t-shirt design triggers another multi-million dollar lawsuit.
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Joe is a writer and talker based in NYC. He has written television for MTV, TruTV, and IFC and last year sold a movie. He has ADHD.
