CARTOON: Peaceful Thanksgiving

Thankful for quiet. Today's cartoon by Zack Rhodes.

CARTOON: Post Thanksgiving Rituals

Today's Thanksgiving cartoon by Michael Shaw.

QAnom nom nom- A Handy Guide On How To Celebrate Thanksgiving While Also Maintaining Your Favorite Batshit Crazy Cult Member Beliefs

Be sure to eat lots and lots and LOTS of sweet potatoes. If you eat enough, you may possibly eventually gain a healthy orange glow, similar to our esteemed leader!


Kurt Brussels, Bernie Mac and Cheese, Angelina Roll-ie, and more #CelebASide on this week's trending joke game!

Updated Rules For The Turkey Trot T-Shirt Design Contest

T-shirt design can not claim that the Turkey Trot 5K is an Olympic qualifying race. T-shirts can not have designs predicting the winner, odds of a runner winning, and what local bar is holding bets on which runner will win.  And more!

Thanksgiving Internationale By Chef Louis

You would think it would be hard to top that. Yet, we have! For desert, the cranberry flambe! Oui. It gives you a real reason to be thankful, no?

It’s Me, Macy’s Ronald McDonald Balloon, Afloat Yet Adrift

I look toward the Empire State Building and wonder if I should just puncture myself on its spire. Put myself out of my misery.

Interview With This Year's Presidentially Pardoned Turkey

Travis Turkey: I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful... but it's really bizarre, frankly. I had definitely had way over the amount that night, and if anyone else walked away from the wreckage, I didn't see it. Admittedly, I was still pretty stoned, so things were a bit blurry. Really difficult to believe that I've been pardoned, all things considered. But as I said, I am grateful. Especially after causing all that damage on Jan 6th...

CARTOON: Ups & Downs

Ballooning Sadness. Today's cartoon by Brandon Hicks.

CARTOON: Thanksgiving Birdzilla

Thought it was a parade balloon, until it was too late. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

CARTOON: Thanksgiving & Taking

That's some bad, luck. Today's cartoon by Tyson Cole.

9 Classic Cocktails for Dreaded Family Gatherings

Old Fashioned Passive Aggressive Barb: Served by your mother-in-law, this multi-layered concoction includes everything from your parenting choices to the fact you use avocado based mayonnaise and returned a shower gift nine years ago. Top with a maraschino cherry, unless that’s “not organic” enough for you.


Pornbread, Sweat Potatoes, Pee-can Pie, and more #HorribleHolidaySides on this week's trending joke game!

"Don't Smile Until Thanksgiving" and Other Tips for New Teachers

To earn your kindergarten students’ respect, start the year off strict and smile-free. Your students might test your anti-smiling resolve prior to Thanksgiving by saying cute things like, “You’re my best fwend” or “I wuv you.” Do not break. If students catch you smiling before Thanksgiving, they will probably assume you are a professional clown.

The Final Diary Entries From the Turkey That The President Did Not Pardon

Just as I begin to feel at peace with my impending death, I think about the turkey that the president is pardoning tomorrow. It isn’t fair. I don’t even know who it is yet, but it isn’t fair. If it’s Marvin and his ball sack-looking ass neck I’m gonna scream.

What Your Favorite Thanksgiving Dish Says About You

Stuffing: Nobody likes you, but no one wants to admit it because we all feel like you need to be there even though you kind of suck. Turkey: You basic bitch. Jello Mold: You're a suburban aunt. And more!

CARTOON: Gobble Gore?

Thankful it's just a movie. Today's cartoon by Tyson Cole.

CARTOON: Wide Load

Spider-Shame? Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

Everything On This Thanksgiving Table Is Made From Goldfish® Crackers

The turkey guys! You smell it? Smells, just like the real thing — and bet you’ll never be able to tell it’s made entirely out of Pretzel Goldfish®. But the secret’s in the sauce, folks — there’s nothing a Nutribullet can’t liquify. Six-packs of Disney Princess x Goldfish®, one pack of beer, and bits of Grandma Lottie’s heirloom china make the best, foolproof gravy.

Thrilling Thanksgiving Thrillers!!!

Gone Gravy Gone, The Fat & The Furious, The Hunt For Red Wine In November, and more!

CARTOON: Done yet?

Happy Thanksgiving! Today's cartoon by Teresa Burns Parkhurst.

CARTOON: Thanksgiving Simulator

Feel like you are really there! Today's cartoon by David Ostow and Ellis Rosen.

Despite the CDC’s Warnings, I, Hannibal Lecter, Expect to See You at my Thanksgiving Dinner

You will have to wear a mask. Diseased meats taste worse. And we don’t want the pigs to taste badly.

CARTOON: Pardon Me?

Get stuffed. Today's cartoon by Andrew Dicus.

I'm the 47-Pound Raccoon That Goes Through Your Trash Every Thanksgiving, and I've Decided to Stay Home This Year

I want you to know that this was not a decision I came to lightly. It was only after a long discussion with my 53-pound raccoon wife and our seven 25-pound raccoon children that we have decided to decline your kind offer to spend Thanksgiving with you and yours. You may not remember extending an invitation, but the untouched casserole Larry threw out the window when you weren’t looking did all the talking. 

NEWS BRIEF: Grandpa Zoom

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

PIC QUIP: Give Thanks

Give Thanks, because in an alternate timeline, we are gathering with our loved ones, and eating live pythons. Happy Thanksgiving from Weekly Humorist!


Sex On A Feast, Thanks gining, Vodka Giblet and more #ThanksgivingACocktail on this week's joke game!

CARTOON: Revised Romance

Cornucopia of fake news. Today's cartoon by Evan Lian.

A Modern Thanksgiving Choose-Your-Own-Adventure

Against your better judgement, head over to your family's house for Thanksgiving. In order to make a bitter pill slightly easier to swallow, you buy the brand of rolls that you know will irritate your mother. (if so, go to C1)


Sinner Rolls, Smash Potatoes, 50 Shades of Gravy, Undressing and more #SexySides on this week's joke game!


Brains, Chains & Automobiles, Love, Hackually, It's A Wonderful Knife, and more #HorrorHolidayMovies on our weekly joke game!

Reheated Thanksgiving Horror Flicks

I Spit On Your Gravy, Silence Of The Yams, Soylent Green Bean get it.

Safe Topics To Discuss This Thanksgiving


Rockefeller Turkey Farm- Turkeys You Can Be Proud Of

Here at Rockefeller Turkey Farm, not only are our turkeys vegetarian fed, organic, and free range, they are the only turkeys anywhere who've each earned a liberal arts degree.

Out Of My Way, We’re Boarding the Same Flight

I have a small personal item such as a laptop computer, iPad or E-reader. Actually, I have a laptop, iPad, and E-reader. I also have an iPod. Remember those? I have no idea why I have it, but I will drop it at least once during the flight, after drinks are served, and will create a ruckus to retrieve it.

A Parental Guide To The Wertz Thanksgiving

Parents have been using the HAA (Holidays Association of…

Repurposing Halloween Junk Into Thanksgiving And Christmas Junk!

Leftover Halloween candy (yeah, right) can be used as Christmas…

New Turkey Stuffings To Keep Thanksgiving Interesting

A slightly larger turkey Creamed corn Avocado…

Stop Saying "Turkey Day" and Use One of These Other Thanksgiving Nicknames

The Great Cranberry Cotillion Carb Christmas Yelling…

Most Anticipated Moments From The 2016 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

New England Patriots mascot balloon not inflated properly, falls…

Thanksgiving Family Conversation Starters

"So, let's all take turns saying what we're thankful for, and…

Rosy-Cheeked Residents of the Bizarro Earth Are Thankful For...

President-Elect Michelle Obama not only soundly defeating Donald…