The GOP’s Guide To Fun Ways Of Blowing Off Steam After CPAC
Being a soulless, Conservative windbag isn’t as easy or fun as it looks. It’s a lot of hard work, folks! So when it’s been another rough day at CPAC, what do these guys do afterwards to have a little much-needed fun?
Merrily enjoy footage of high school shootings with wacky, sports-bloopers type sound effects added to the audio.
Gather as many other CPAC speakers as you can, and congregate at a local homeless shelter. Order several large pizzas to be delivered, but refuse to share any with residents of the shelter. Destroy all leftovers in full view of the residents.
Go confession and admit to the priest that NRA actually stands for Nauseating Rape Aficionados.
Arrange to have a group of special needs 3rd graders go on a field trip to an animal shelter on the day that abandoned pets are being put to sleep.
Block Planned Parenthood waiting room TVs from receiving any good cable channels.
Don a dirty, foul-smelling Mayor McCheese costume and then expose yourself to the patients of a local hospitals pediatric cancer ward. (Save this one for Trump, or as past experience has taught us, you’ll more than likely lose your job).
Attend services at a church in the poor part of town, one that is preferably going through some sort of turmoil, and then vomit into the collection plate.
Accept Mike Pence’s offer to accompany him to the Baron Von Beefcake All Male Revue (nothing to do with the dancers, he just really likes their lunch buffet).
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence
