The Tri-State Area’s Lowest-Rated Birthday Party Clowns
Sadsy
Baggy, The Clown Who Is Not Ashamed Of His Colostomy Bag
The Faceless One
Ron the “Funny” Stepdad
The Clown That Ran Over Your Dog While He Was Parking
Diabeeto: The Clown That Needs to Give Himself a Shot Real Quick
Incel Jake
Son of Sadsy
The One Who Is Clearly A Dead Hobo With Some White House Paint Splashed On His Face
Esperanto, The Clown Who Loves To Mention That He Speaks Esperanto But Who Never Actually Speaks Esperanto
Balloon-Animals-and-Union-Agitator-Billy
Dickie, The Clown That Inflates Balloon Animals With His Penis
Tommy Lee Jones
Cream-Pies-Full-Of-Bees Dan
The Clown Who Received Terrible News Just Before The Performance
Lead Makeup Charlie
Sadsy’s Brother
A Sentient Unicycle
Coughy, The Clown That Coughs
Just A Guy Who Eats An Entire Skateboard, Piece By Piece
Bozo’s Bitter College Roommate Who Says Bozo Ripped Off His Act
I Realize This Looks Like Blackface But The Clown Store Was Out Of My Usual Stuff The Clown
An Actual Bear
- About the Author
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Brian Boone is a contributor to Funny or Die, Someecards, Splitsider, The Chive, and Looper, and his work has appeared on McSweeney’s, StarWipe, and many other fine humor and pop culture destinations. He’s the author of several delightful books, wrote a musical about pirates, and came in third on Jeopardy! once. He will clog your Twitter timeline with dad jokes.
