Truly Terrible Ways To Prevent The Spread Of Coronavirus

Wipe down all surfaces with Sierra Mist.

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To ensure the safety our others, loudly shout that you are FEELING PRETTY WELL AND HAVING USUAL BOWEL MOVEMENTS!

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Don’t have a health face mask? Just use that IT Halloween mask, people will love it, especially the children.

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Exist solely on a diet of Carl’s Jr, a menu of items which even the coronavirus finds disgusting. A hamburger that includes an entire wheel of friend cheese? Yuck.

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When self-pleasuring oneself, use hand sanitizer rather than traditional lube.

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Have your friend Kevin, an officially ordained minister via the internet, perform an exorcism on you. Just to be on the safe side.

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Only use Tinder to trade recipes and Netflix recommendations with other users.

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Porta-potties to be used only as a possible location for hanging oneself once the virus really begins to take off.

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Only attend Thanksgiving dinner if you’re currently infected, and hoping to spread the illness to elderly members of your family who would otherwise vote for Trump in the next election.

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Move to California, most of which is usually on fire, which surely will burn up any hint of the virus? Right?

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Disguise yourself as a coronavirus and try to blend in.

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While having your anal bleaching touched up, ask the guy to just go ahead and do your entire body.

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Go to church; not to pray or anything, but many of these old churches have some pretty great hiding spots. Plus free wine!!

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Watch every episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. This won’t help prevent the spread of coronavirus, but it will convince you that we’re getting exactly what we deserve.

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