TRUMPO Phonetic Alphabet

The administration’s defense secretary said Trump may reduce America’s commitment to NATO. If that happens, it will trigger a change to the current NATO phonetic alphabet, [“R as in Roger”] in use for the past sixty years.

The new official TRUMPO phonetic alphabet has leaked:

A as in Anastasia

B as in Buy Ivanka’s Strappy Sandals

C as in See if you can get me a better tee time

D as in D Cup

E as in Emollients Clause, which is something we make everyone sign, prophylactically, before “treatments” at Spa-a-Lago; also accepted/related: Erection

F as in anything but Finasteride, which I do not take and, I’ve heard, reacts terribly with our Clams Taj Mahal Casino and Borscht

G as in Gala; also accepted: Grope, but only eights and higher

H as in How do you like Ivanka? Isn’t she beautiful? Go ahead, touch her, she likes it.

I as in Me

J as in Jew

K as in Klansman, from Scotland, not the other kind, which I’ve never heard of; also accepted: “kite” which I can say because my grandchildren fly kites

L as in Loser, but not just any loser, Hillary, so, L as in Hillary

M as in Mistress, unless Melania is in town, in which case it is “Monica Seles” because they used to play Gulag together in the old country

N as in Fort Knox, a Trump branded TM vault, visit our amazing gift shop; also accepted: Nyet; never accepted: Nordstrom

O as in Oy [h/t Jared]; You know what, Jared, I’m switching it, O as in Oligarchy. Period.

P as in Put it over there with the others; also accepted, preferred: Putin

Q as in QVC

R as in Wrongly accused by the Fake Media

S as in So, So, Very, Very Wrongly

T as in Time to give it up already with the questions; also accepted: Tara, my favorite name for a plantation, not that we secretly play a standing game of Overseeropoly on the Strategy Table in the Situation Room; never accepted: Tinkle

U as in Me; never accepted, which is a shame because I really thought we were friends: Mark CUban, with his commie name and a terrible show and failing sports team

V as in IVanka: “I” plus Vanka

W as in Wizard, the Merlin kind — incidentally, has anybody heard from Doug Henning the so-called master of illusion? Also accepted: World War Three

X as in Marla, who’s doing a terrific job by the way, more and more lately

Y as in Yanni

Z as in Tsar; also accepted: Xavier Cugat; never accepted: Zero, Xanax