Vacation Hotel Tips!

1) Most inexpensive motels don’t have room service, but that homeless guy in the parking lot will probably run to Wendy’s for you.

2) When traveling with the wife and kids to a moderately priced hotel, be sure to request a “No Molesting / No Snuff Movies Filmed Here” room.

3) Accidentally swallowing a used Band-Aid in the hotel pool is at least as nutritious as anything you’d find in the vending machines.

4) Be sure to pack Eggos, as new immigrations laws have made Continental Breakfasts a thing of the past.

5) Just a small square of carpet cut from the hotel room’s floor will ensure that your child is the first-prize winner at this year’s Junior High Science Fair.

6) No indoor plumbing in the room? This just means that an opportunity to make friends with the tattoo parlor folks next door is at your fingertips (but don’t really touch anything with your fingertips).

7) The cable may be out, but with only one room for the entire family, you and Sis have front row seats for one of Mom and Dad’s infamous blow-outs!

8)  Most budget motel franchises have smoke detectors that are on the fritz.   But worry not!   The sounds of fellow hotel guests screaming in pain as they perish in a fiery death should give you enough warning to get yourself (and, time permitting, the family) out of harm’s way.