Valentine’s for Your Roommate

You make my life more full, even though you never refill the Brita pitcher, Valentine.

 

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Thanks for leaving a tiny little bit of milk in the carton and putting it back in the fridge, Valentine.

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Thanks for not eating all of my cereal, Valentine.

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You’re sort of my friend, Valentine!

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I don’t mind feeding her or cleaning out her litter box even though she’s technically your cat, Valentine.

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If your girlfriend keeps spending the night, she’s going to have to pay rent, Valentine.

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I have no idea what you do for a living, Valentine.

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Are these your dirty socks, Valentine?

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A true Valentine always does their dishes, just saying.

 

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I can always count on you to pay your rent on time most of the time, Valentine.

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You’re always so pleasant during the five minutes each day you come out of your locked room, Valentine. 

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Hey Valentine, I appreciate how you don’t steal my leftovers out of the fridge every time I have them. 

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You sure watch a lot of Korean soap operas on my Netflix account, Valentine.

 

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Valentine, you still owe me for your share of the utilities for December.

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Thanks for being a quiet masturbator, Valentine.

 

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Please don’t use my toothbrush “by mistake,” Valentine.

 

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Thanks for wearing pants in common areas, Valentine.

 

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