Vladimir Putin’s Top Campaign Promises
Vladimir Putin won re-election as Russian President and immediately went to work trying to fulfill his primary campaign promises:
A chicken in every bot
To throw a big victory party in the Summer Kremlin at Mar-a-Lago
To find something for that pinhead General Flynn to do so he’ll stop hounding me.
To film a pilot for his reality show “Dictator Apprentice” featuring Donald Trump
To start work on the Putin Presidential Gulag
To make the Balkans great again
To ride shirtless astride a horse during the upcoming World Cup opening ceremonies
To release documentary of his campaign called “Grab “Em by the Pussy Riot”
To see if “we can get this Mueller guy relocated to the UK, if you get my drift”
To focus all his attention on the November midterms
Illustration by Marty Dundics
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Les East is a nationally renown freelance journalist. He was recently named top sports columnist in the United States by the Society of Professional Journalists and Louisiana Sportswriter of the Year by the National Sportscasters and Sportswriters Association. When he’s not writing about sports — and sometimes when he is — he likes to provide snarky commentary on current events. You can follow him on Facebook and Twitter — @Les_East
