Vladimir Putin’s Top Campaign Promises

Vladimir Putin won re-election as Russian President  and immediately went to work trying to fulfill his primary campaign promises:

A chicken in every bot

To throw a big victory party in the Summer Kremlin at Mar-a-Lago

To find something for that pinhead General Flynn to do so he’ll stop hounding me.

To film a pilot for his reality show “Dictator Apprentice” featuring Donald Trump

To start work on the Putin Presidential Gulag

To make the Balkans great again

To ride shirtless astride a horse during the upcoming World Cup opening ceremonies

To release documentary of his campaign called “Grab “Em by the Pussy Riot”

To see if “we can get this Mueller guy relocated to the UK, if you get my drift”

To focus all his attention on the November midterms


Illustration by Marty Dundics