‘Wake Them Up at 2 AM,’ and Other Hacks to Get Your Kids Ready for School 

Pack food the night before.

Put shoes on in the car.

For an on-the-go breakfast, freeze milk, a spoon, and cereal into something you’ll call “morning popsies” until they move out.

Dress kids the night before.

Tie shoelaces the night before.

Have kids brush their teeth twice the night before to avoid a morning brushing.

Redefine “ready.”

Set the Roomba under your kids’ bed as a fun and quirky little alarm.

Go out to the car and lay on the horn as a fun and quirky little alarm.

Throw bagel(s)  on kid(s) and invite seagull(s) into the room as a fun and quirky little alarm.

Redefine “morning.”

Bribe them with popsicles rather than morning popsies.

Bribe them with a dog that you actually purchase at the end of the day.

Bribe them with a dog that you never purchase but hear about one day in family counseling.

 Redefine “your kids.”

Yelling. Have you tried yelling?

Adjust your beliefs about how often children should bathe.

Homeschool.

Unschool.

Night school.

Rotate which kids go to school and call in sick for the other(s).

 Just like, be a warm, loving parent.

Pretend it’s 2021 and enter the waiting room of a virtual class.

Speed up tomorrow’s morning routine by speeding up tonight’s nighttime routine by starting a bedtime story now.

 Wake them up at 2am so that you can make it out the door just in time.