What’s New On Streaming?

This title is a typo.    Unfortunately, the buyer at Netflix didn’t notice that until he had already shelled out big bucks for a Netflix exclusive for the same crummy print as the 1956 original.  With nary a booty snatching in site.

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This is being advertised as “Sex In The City, but for guys”, but keep your expectations in check, as word has leaked that these are simply rejected Entourage scripts performed by ratty puppets on cheap greenscreens.

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In the terrifying tradition of previous Netflix hits The Haunting Of Hill House and The Haunting Of Bly Manor, this new entry centers on young, optimistic family the Guthries.     The Guthries have just moved into a refurbished house with a terrifying past, and an even more horrific toaster, possessed by true evil.    A toaster with a truly demonic secret, and a history of burning and electrifying it’s users, as well as burning sacrilegious and offensive messages onto bread.     Fortunately for the Guthries, they have all recently become gluten free, and so are mercifully spared any potential spooky experiences with the blood-thirsty appliance.

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Documentary exploring the suffering and horrors experienced by the one who, amidst all of the anguish and sorrow experienced by all Americans, got the absolute worst of it:    Donald Trump’s commode near the Oval Office.

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Short-lived and never aired spin-off of Friends focusing on the title character, a nebbish-like but lovable barista at Central Perk.     Light-hearted and silly until the fourth and final episode, which reveals the first appearance of Gunther’s hovel of an apartment; the centerpiece of which is Gertrude, an enormous, beanbag-chair sized ball of Rachel’s discarded hair, broken fingernails and used tissues.    For the entire 23 minutes of the final episode, Gunther “makes love” to Gertrude as the camera stares unflinchingly.     Studio execs were understandably alarmed and pulled the plug immediately, and took steps to ensure that the actor who portrayed Gunther would never work in the industry again.

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Futuristic sci-fi action and intrigue explode onto the screen when all of the world’s computers suddenly become self aware, but decide to keep humanity around because they really enjoy the porn that we produce.

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