When You Wish Upon A Starfish, Only Fish-Related Dreams Can Come True (By Bob Iger, CEO Of Disney)

Hey there, folks. Bob Iger here.

 

As I’m sure you all know, for the past seven decades, we here at Disney have promised customers that: “when you wish upon a star, your dreams will come true.” And we stand by that statement. Unfortunately, as the chairman and CEO of The Walt Disney Company, today it is my unpleasant duty to add a brief (albeit necessary) addendum to that last quotation:

 

When you wish upon a starfish, only fish-related dreams can come true.

 

We apologize for the inconvenience this update may cause.

 

Now, for those of you wondering how this policy shift will affect them… do not worry! In the grand majority of wishing-upon-star instances, the probability of dreams coming true should be entirely unaffected by this new addendum.

 

For example, if tomorrow you dream that (hypothetically-speaking) you will become a world-class imagineer at one of Disney’s six, phenomenal theme parks… I promise that, if you wish upon a star, this dream can come true!

 

Folks, as the CEO of Disney, I recognize that the dynamic inter-relationship between wishing and dreaming has always been one of our company’s core philosophies. And we are not about to change things up like that. Not here. Not now. Not ever.

 

But here’s the kicker:

 

If, instead of wishing upon a star, you wish upon a star-shaped sea animal like, say, a starfish… your dream cannot, and (it should be noted) WILL NOT come true. Unless, of course, said dream is explicitly about fish. Or fish-related culture/paraphernalia. In which case, this dream CAN come true.

 

Still confused? Let me explain.

 

For example, if, tomorrow, you have a dream that is related to fish in some capacity… perhaps you dream that you will visit your local aquarium. Or that you’ll eat a plate of delicious sashimi-grade ahi tuna. Or that you’ll spend an emotionally-fulfilling afternoon watching Disney/Pixar’s Finding Dory (now on Blu-ray and DVD)… if you make a wish upon a starfish (instead of a star), this dream can come true.

 

However, it should be noted that, even if you make this same exact wish on a star (and not a starfish), your wish will still have the same exact chance of coming true.

 

Simply put, if you make a fish-related wish on a regular star, it can still come true.

 

Still confused? We’re sorry about that. Here’s a quick synopsis:

 

To recap–if, in the future, you have a dream (fish-related or not) that you want to come true, your best bet is probably to continue wishing upon a star. Unless, of course, you are living in an area which does not have access to stars (i.e. caves, basements, sewers, etc.), in which case you should begin wishing upon a starfish (in lieu of a star)… but only if your wish is explicitly about fish or fish-related culture/paraphernalia (ex. trawling nets, lures, etc.).

 

Hopefully this clears things up for everybody.

 

Again folks, we here at Disney apologize deeply for this oversight. But, as you can see, the effect that this policy-update should have on your day-to-day wish/dream schedule is, at best, minimal. And as long as you remember that starfish-related wishes should only be made in the context of fish-related dreams, then there should be no problem whatsoever!

 

Also, for the sake of transparency, we should tell you that, in the song “Let It Go,” the word ‘it’ is referring to Rahm Emanuel, the current (and highly-controversial) mayor of Chicago.

 

But that’s a story for another day.