10 New Year’s Resolutions Jason Definitely Wants Me to Keep This Year

I will only hit snooze 5 times when the alarm goes off at 7am after staying up til midnight at a local softball game.

I will be more present with my friends and family unless I am daydreaming about my crush, Jason Metcalf.

I will go to the gym, but only the one where the local softball team, the Beavers, work out.

I will check Jason’s socials no more than 10 times a day until I forget that I set that limit. And then I will find his parents on Facebook.

I will sign up for an advanced crochet class to keep my hands busy during Jason’s softball practice (which is every Tuesday and Thursday).

I will help the economy by buying things that bring Jason joy, like Star Wars memorabilia, and replacing the things that used to bring me joy, like antique china.

I will travel to exotic places like Littleton, NH where Jason grew up, to peruse his childhood bedroom and interview Sally and Ted about what it was like to raise him.

I will read every single night before bed, as long as Jason keeps writing in his journal.

I will not let my past failures to become Jason’s girlfriend define me.

I will remove my crocheted beaver head to reveal myself to Jason as his one true love at his championship softball game and I will not get emotional and ruin it this time.