10 Ways to Play Off Your Bloody Nose During a Work Meeting
1. Propose trust falls as a team-building exercise, then let them hold you there with your head back for a bit.
2. Put a mask on and make others feel bad for not doing so.
3. Explain that a recent article in the Wall Street Journal reported that bloodletting increases productivity.
4. Say it’s just allergies.
5. Cover your mouth with prayer hands, look to the floor for several minutes, and then, once the blood has clotted, dramatically look up and say, “I say we sell.” (Only works if selling the company is a good idea.)
6. Ask if anyone wants any since you’re a universal donor. (Only works if you’re O-negative)
7. Hold your coffee mug up to your mouth as though you’re taking a sip and leave it there until it either fills up or the meeting ends.
8. Distract the group by snapping a pen in your breast pocket and pretending your carotid artery burst.
9. Face away from the table and make an impassioned speech about changing the world through people-oriented sales tactics while standing by the window and peering down at the bustling city below you.
10. Turn your camera off. (Only works on Zoom.)
- About the Author
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Jordan is a college senior and Editor-in-Chief of Brown University’s satire paper, The Brown Noser. Read his work here!
- About the Author
- Latest Posts
Dan is an Ann Arbor based college student and an aspiring NYC-based college graduate. He is also an editor for the University of Michigan’s satire paper, The Every Three Weekly, and a recipient of generally positive feedback from his screenwriting professor. Read more of his work here.
