Posts

10 Ways to Play Off Your Bloody Nose During a Work Meeting

Hold your coffee mug up to your mouth as though you're taking a sip and leave it there until it either fills up or the meeting ends.

Sir David Attenborough Narrates a Collaborative Google Doc

As dusk settles on a long day, a unique gathering commences. Nowhere in the world is more alive with energy than this place we visit today: the collaborative Google doc. And here, in this remote corner of the mighty internet, life thrives as an ecosystem of fauna commingles on the evening before a big client presentation.

Different Office Door Positions and How to Interpret Them

I’m desperate to brand myself as the ‘fun’ coworker. Is it working?!?!

CARTOON: Melting Gains

Freeze your assets. Today's cartoon by Chris Gural.

CARTOON: Sacked

You want fries with that? Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

CARTOON: Monday The 16th

The Horror! Mondays. Today's cartoon by Zack Rhodes.

CARTOON: Job Growth

Moving on up! Today's cartoon by Zack Rhodes.

CARTOON: Mr. Frankenstein

Shocking! Hold my calls. Today's cartoon by Vaughan Tomlinson.

Lesser-Known Quitting Styles

Tom Brady Quitting: You announce your retirement, spend 40 days at home with three kids, and then announce your comeback. 

CARTOON: Later Skater

Weak End. Today's cartoon by Mat Barton & Adam Cooper.

CARTOON: No Escape No Problem

A-maze-ing. Today's cartoon by Pardis Parker and Aria Ghalili.

CARTOON: To-Do

Might need the whole week. Today's cartoon by Cerise Zelenetz.

Even Though the Office Is Still Completely Engulfed in Flames, I’m Gonna Need You All to Come Back in Full Time

That said, going forward I expect everyone to come in at least 40 hours a week, which, coincidentally, is the exact amount of time that the human body can withstand such temperatures before their internal organs begin to melt. Failure to show up for the full 40 hours will be taken as your resignation.

CARTOON: Home Office Management

No place to hide. Today's cartoon by Len Hawkins.

CARTOON: Moth Marketing

Bright idea. Today's cartoon by Vaughan Tomlinson.

How to Be a Woman in Advertising, According to the Men I Work With

Know how to take a joke, but not make a joke. Speak up, but not too much. Be a mom, but not a real mom because that’s not hot. And more!

CARTOON: Back To Work

Plus I'm out of coffee. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

I’m Just Calling to Follow Up on the Email I’m About to Send You

Are you getting another call right now? That’s me, hitting you up on Microsoft Teams. If we talk on Teams and the phone at the same time, we can do a post-mortem on this follow-up call while I prioritize the tasks for the email I’ll send you later that we’re following up on now. That way we won’t have to circle back later and rehash things we haven’t talked about yet.

CARTOON: Fly Away

Sticky situation. Today's cartoon by Jeff Hobbs.

12 Festive Ways To Fire A Whole Bunch Of Employees Right Before Christmas

Hold an office Christmas tree lighting ceremony. Ask select personnel to hang their now-deactivated key cards as ornaments. Elves escort the terminated out before entertainment arrives.

CARTOON: Think Fast

Explosive opportunities. Today's cartoon by Dan Misdea.

Gregor Samsa Returns to Work

I want you all to know that, despite the fact that I now take the form of a monstrous vermin, I'm still the same old Gregor, who listens to yacht rock at his desk and loves the Mets (even though they’re killing me, haha). The only difference is I now have six legs and a hard exoskeleton covering my entire body. Still, I don't expect any special treatment from anyone.

Translating Your Office Water Cooler’s Little Gurgle Noises

Three quick bubbles and three long bubbles: Uh oh, there’s trouble afoot! That cooler’s getting low, and it’s time for office manager Devin to hoist up a new multi-gallon and send the empty one to its eternal slumber.

Congratulations, You’re Going Back to the Office! 

Since it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other in person, we thought it’d be fun if we all did nametags. You’ll get one to use throughout the year, so make sure you take care of it. Please write your name, blood type, and emergency contact information on it. Don’t be afraid to get creative with your design! 

CARTOON: No Sweat

No work out, just work. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

CARTOON: Snack Time

Don't get salty. Today's cartoon by Dan Misdea.

Honest Drafts of My Goodbye Email

As of today, I will no longer be doing my job here. Or Mike’s or Pete’s or even Crystal’s, am I right? You all relied on me so heavily that it broke me! For exactly half of what I asked for in salary, zero other benefits, and a birthday cake I had to pay for myself — what a steal!

Human Resource Emails Sent to James Bond

Hi everyone. I didn’t want to single anyone out, but it has come to my attention that some agents have been intimate with clients, and targets, and targets’ widows. This is just a reminder that someone cannot consent if they are afraid for their life. I have attached the code of conduct.

CARTOON: Bird Brain

Quick unsend! Come back! Today's cartoon by David Ostow and Dan Salomon.

CARTOON: Zoom Clean

Clean your zoom. Today's cartoon by Rich Sparks.

CARTOON: Demographics

Check these figures and get back to me. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

Signs Your Co-Worker Might Be an Abiogenetic Hybrid of Laura Ingalls Wilder and A Can of Pringles 

She’s often tardy because her sister Carrie has fallen into an abandoned mine shaft.  She also has her own mascot, an oval-faced man with a big bushy mustache and a red bow tie she refers to as Julius. 

This Word-of-the-Day App Chooses Vocabulary Specifically for You!

Perturbed: troubled in mind: feeling or showing agitation. (Merriam-Webster, 2019) Example Sentence: College-educated women from your age bracket often feel perturbed by their inability to find a life partner. 

#BadOfficeHabits

Smelly lunches, stealing pens, and playing on Twitter, #BadOfficeHabits on this week's joke game!

If I Started Talking to My Best Friend the Way I Talk to Myself

Oh, and you look like a corpse when you wear yellow. It’s not “fun” if you’re an ambulating cadaver. Donate your yellow garments, girl.

I Backpacked Across The Globe And Found Paradise And It Is The Open Office

There’s a thrill an office provides that’s unlike any experience available on the road. Chatting about weather with Marge from accounting is really no different than eavesdropping in a Paris cafe.

CARTOON: Team Player

Who brought the orange slices? Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

Nail Your Job Interview with These ‘Greatest Weaknesses’

I make coffee so good my entire team once started to cry after their first sip and we all had to go home. It was so embarrassing. I’m being a little vulnerable by telling you about this.

Email Reminders You Can Give So Your Colleague Will Finish the Project He is Being Paid to Complete

The Buzzword Reminder: Per my last email, see below to remember that I am pinging you to circle back on the follow-up we agreed on. Perhaps we should find time on the calendar for a quick check-in or an all-hands meeting? Let’s take the convo offline if need be and we can loop in the appropriate people.

How To Succeed In Your Work Retreat Ice Breaker Games At Lake Manuwaka

Before we dive into our fun-packed rigid weekend itinerary –complete with SEVERAL trust-building exercises and virtually hundreds of opportunities to see the entire accounting team awkwardly wade into GORGEOUS lake Manuwaka in their saggy one-piece bathing suits—we’re going to start out with some fun, high energy ice breaker activities. So, leave your unmarked backpacks full of your business casual attire and valuables in that pile by the shore and come join us in the circle!

Yes, My Internet is Also Down

I feel so alone right now. The rest of you are just going ahead and working like there's no problem, like one of your coworkers isn't totally without internet. You really find out who your friends are when your internet's down. I feel like a wounded buffalo that the herd is moving away from so I don't weaken the group.

Improper Uses of “I Don’t Know Who Needs to Hear This”

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your test results were positive.

#OfficeSuperlatives

Most Likely to Impede, Reddest Eyes On Monday Morning, Brownest Nose and more #OfficeSuperlatives!

A Happy-Hour Cocktail Menu Sponsored by Your Company Benefit Cuts

Maternity Leave?? Sure…...ley Temple: Most of our staff doesn’t need to order this drink, due to strategic hiring choices, but if you’re thinking you might one day want to enjoy this delightful combination of lemon-lime soda, grenadine and a mouthful of maraschino cherries, let us know.

Please Enjoy Our Company's Star Wars Day Themed Celebration, That Is Not at All a Distraction from How Bad Things Are Going.

PinnedPointz is throwing an all-day Star Wars Day themed party Friday! We have a lot of fun activities planned throughout the day that we “Hope” you will attend, even if we can’t “Force” you!

Hi Co-worker! It’s Me, That Guy That’s Always Brushing His Teeth In The Men’s Room

So, you’re heading over to the urinal are you? Perfect. I’ll be right here. Watching you in the big mirror while I go to town on these cuspids with a perfect counterclockwise motion.

Please Deliver This Request for Proposal by End of Week

My boss told me “deadline has the word ‘dead’ for a reason.” Help.

CARTOON: Volume Value

Volume non-value-add. Today's cartoon by Evan Lian.

Manager Handbook Chapter 12: So You’ve Hired A Woman. Now What?

Hiring competent people, regardless of their gender, is an important aspect of any manager’s job, but in today’s post #MeToo world, men in positions of power need to take certain precautions when they decide to allow a female into an office environment. No doubt she’s going to wreak some havoc simply by having breasts and walking around, so it’s important to prepare your male employees by requesting they review these guidelines and procedures should they have to interface with her.

#OfficeLifeMantra

Breath in. Breath out. Relax - here are our best #OfficeLifeMantras!…

Man Allergic To Clothing Gets Permission To Come To Work Nude

PENSACOLA, Florida – Jack Navish had worn clothing all his…

An Asylum Seeking Migrant Answers Tricky Office Job Interview Questions

They always try to get you with those trick questions.

VIDEO: Drama at the Office

How do you tell someone you have literally no desire to see what they've been working on - but, like, in a nice way?

Would You Like To Work At Our Start Up?

Hello, Trailblazer! Are you a passionate, driven individual…

My Bombshell Revelation: I, Your Friendly Office Co-Worker, Am Actually an Asshole

My fellow GloboPlanet Corporate Headquarters Employees: It…

Office Christmas Party Rules That Reflect Current Sexual Harassment Concerns

No more placing the mistletoe above your crotch and referring…

I Bought An Exercise Ball For My Desk And Now It’s Easier Than Ever To Masturbate at Work

I try to make healthy choices, so I bought an exercise ball to…

New Career Suggestions For My Freeloading, Annoying, Worthless Coworkers

Acting They certainly have the practice of pretending to be…

Welcome To The Team! Now, Let's Find You A Good Place To Cry, Shall We?

From: SusiePLovesTV@aol.com To: Lindsey.Field@FizzNetwork.com Subject:…

Alliterative Day-of-the-Week Themes to Boost Morale at Your Startup

  Mole Mondays Nope, not the cute little furry critter!…