You Just Had Sex with NPR’s Terry Gross, Here’s a Transcript of Your Pillow Talk.

TG: Hello and thank you for cleaning off my chest. With NPR, I’m Terry Gross, in the streets and in the sheets.

 

On the morning of January 6th of 2021, in Washington D.C, a former high school track star made a decision that would forever change the course of his life: he was going to enroll at Lincoln Tech. Five years later, his clothes are on the floor of my bedroom, and the tech he’s handling these days is my vibrator. It’s the first of many promised bipartisan efforts from this generation.

 

My guest today is that same man. He is a 27-year-old plumber I met at a bar earlier this evening, who wasted no time in snaking my drains. Plural.

 

Critics say his best years are behind him, but I have to disagree. I would go so far as to say some of his best moments were behind me about five minutes ago. Welcome Dustin. I’ve opened a window; this is Fresh Air.

 

YOU: Is that a microphone?

 

TG: Dustin, you knew how to move that thang in all the right ways–

 

YOU: uh, thanks–

 

TG: Would you say the literature you consumed as a child had any impact on your awakening as a sexual being?

 

YOU: You mean like uh, Percy Jackson?

 

TG: Sparks were certainly flying.

 

YOU: I guess I like Holes?

 

TG: Oh, I noticed. All of them. You just kept digging.

 

YOU: Haha, yeah.

[pause]

Maybe The Brothers Karamazov?

 

TG: And what about Dosteyevsky’s magnum opus stuck out to you?

 

YOU: The names.

 

TG: It’s a good thing you’re pretty.

 

YOU: Haha, yeah.

 

TG: Dustin, you mentioned while we were switching places during doggy that you were somewhat of a runner in your younger years–

 

YOU: Yeah, I was pretty fast.

TG: Deep down, do you feel there was something you were running from?

 

YOU: Uh.. the other runners? I think.

 

TG: Well then, what are you running towards?

 

YOU: I’m not running, I’m in your bed.

 

TG: I mean in the metaphorical sense.

 

YOU: Uh… I guess some sense of security. I mean, there was much uncertainty I faced as a young man–

 

TG: In what sense?

 

YOU: We didn’t have a refrigerator as a kid.

 

TG: No refrigerator?

 

YOU: No, we kept milk in my neighbors apartment.

 

TG: That must’ve been hard.

 

YOU: No, he lived just across the hall.

 

TG: You said you made the decision to go trade school after January 6th.  What about the events of that day influenced your decision to embark on that journey?

 

YOU: Well, I was driving past the capitol that day, and I saw–

 

TG: The gallows.

 

YOU: Nah, the billboard for Lincoln Tech.

 

TG: Oh. The way you told that story made it sound like you were referring to the seditious conspiracy to over throw the 2020 election.

 

YOU: The what.

 

TG: The insurrection at the capitol building.

 

YOU: Oh I don’t watch sports.

 

TG:  Dustin from Tinder, thank you so much and thank you for your reporting.

 

YOU: haha, alright. Thanks.

 

TG: Dylan the Plumber graduated from Lincoln Tech in 2023, prefers being the little spoon, and drank three red Gatorades after we finished. He had all three in a bag he brought to my house, and you can find him wherever leaks occur.

 

My orgasm was brought to you by, Dylan, adamandeve.com, Saatva mattresses, and producer Danny Miller.

 

DM: (from closet) Can you let me out now Terry, there’s no doornob on this side and I’m running out of air.

 

TG: This has been Fresh Air.