CARTOON: Broom Buddy

Dad's Solo Candy Quest. Today's cartoon by Mat Barton and Oren Bernstein.

Album Names For Your Dad's Bluegrass Cover Band

Dixie With Myself, Dark Side of the Moonshine, Wish You Were Deer, and more!

Truly Terrible Fathers' Day Gifts

World’s #1 Dad, Is What I Told The Parole Board Mug, And More!

CARTOON: Dad Discipline

Do those windows while you are up there. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

Father’s Day Grit Guide From 3M’s Sandpaper Division

420 Grit: A dope micro-grit for the hippie dad who keeps going out to the garage to “look for something” every couple of hours.

CARTOON: Show and Tell

Also good for piggy back rides. Today's cartoon by Mr. Ollie.

CARTOON: Pornaments

Where's dad? Today's cartoon by Kit Lively.

CARTOON: Bed Dread

Clown frown? Today's cartoon by Tyson Cole.

The Best Thing About Taking My Young Kids to the Pool Is Having My Balls Repeatedly Crushed By Their Feet

Ah, summer. The lazy days, the warm breezes, the crushed testicles. There’s nothing quite like unwinding after a long day in a swimming pool with that mellow, full body tingle you can only get from having your gonads savagely wrecked by a careless child’s flailing legs. 


Family Secrets! Today's cartoon by Vaughan Tomlinson.

9 Interesting Facts About Babies For People Thinking About Having One

A personal frustration, but when my baby was born I was shocked to learn that he hadn’t seen any of the Rocky movies. I remember once when I was burping him in a crowded park and someone’s phone rang with “Eye of the Tiger” as the ringtone and I said to my baby “Rocky III, nice!” And I could tell based on his wide-eyes and lack of response that the little guy had no idea what I was talking about.

You're Leaving The Playground All Wrong

Wait, why is your toddler yelling that you’re a stranger who’s trying to lure her out of the playground with candy? Did you hear that - your daughter used the word “lure.” She has a GREAT vocabulary. Oh, right, not really the point. Take her hand and start walking out of the playground. No, she shouldn’t be screaming like that. Oh wow, that’s a lot of cop cars. 

Updates on Your Dad’s New Year’s Resolutions

I'm already so much better looking than all of my friends, do I really want to be in better shape, too? I tried flossing every day, but you said I was embarrassing you in front of your friends. And more!

CARTOON: Game Night

They grow up and crush you so fast. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

No, I Don’t Have A Gambling Problem And Here’s My Bank Statement From My Family Trip To The Carnival To Prove It

Milk bottle game: –$3 Milk bottle game: –$3 Milk bottle game: –$3 Attempt to pay off the carnival game worker: –$25

Give Your Dad the Best Father’s Day Gift Ever: A Long, Rambling Conversation About Steely Dan

So, you’ll need to introduce a suggestive phrase that’s maybe something like this: “So I discovered Steely Dan on Spotify.” At this point, you might not need to say anything for the next hour or five.

A Father’s Day Gift Guide for Dads who are Men who Like Man Things

A nicer and louder lawnmower than that asshole Frank has. Hot sauce so spicy it will absolutely ruin whatever you put it on. A blacksmithing forge. And more!

20 Mugs To Get Your Dad For Father’s Day Because You Don’t Really Know Him

“I LOVE YOU” MUG This feels aggressive. “WE LOVE YOU” MUG You don’t want to speak for your siblings. And more.

I Can’t Be Trusted Alone with You, JOANN

Of course you immediately start tempting me by pushing your perfect pair of scissors in my face and CUT MY PAPER HEART OUT—THEY’RE ONLY TWELVEBUCKS! I love you, JO. Mmmm, show me that mixed media paper you know I like, baby. OH, JOANN, 20% off!? How can you be so good to me? With all these glues to choose from it’s no wonder I’m stuck inside you again! You make me want to be so much more than an artist. You make me want to be a BAD artist.

CARTOON: Dangerous Snow

Hazardous Conditions. Today's cartoon by Dan Misdea.

Alexa, I Know American Democracy is On the Edge of Collapse, But I Need You To Play Baby Beluga by Raffi

Hey Alexa, I get it. America is about to have its second Civil War. We are a flaming pile of shit. There are a lot of noises in this house, lots of stuff being screamed at the TV, but I need you to focus up: my baby refuses to let me wipe her ass unless you play Baby Beluga by Raffi. You need to play Baby Beluga by Raffi.

The Son From ‘Cats in The Cradle’ Would Like To Correct The Narrative

“My child arrived just the other day/He came to the world in the usual way” ~ Actually, my birth story’s quite harrowing. Dad, like most mid-twentieth century men, wasn’t even in the room. Mom was in labor for fifteen brutal hours. Far from “usual,” I’d say. 

I’m the Guy who Makes the Fake Crowd Noise at Baseball Games, and Yes, I Have Been Secretly Inserting Rupi Kaur Poems

“Dad,” you say. “It’s poetry!” “NO,” he yells. “It’s BASEBALL. We should have never sent you to [liberal arts college]!!” Of course, you were both right. Which is why I’m coming clean...

CARTOON: Father's Approval

Demanding Dads. Today's cartoon by Kit Lively and Dan McConnell.

Affirmations Written By Your Dad

You create value in other people’s lives and debt in mine. You are the architect of your own life, but not a real architect like your brother. Did he tell you about his promotion? And more.

Things A Dad Should Not Say To His Class Of 2020 Daughter On Prom Night

The big positive is that in 25 years nobody will be able to point to your prom photos and say, "Can you believe you ever wore your hair like that?"

Jimmy Buffet Song or How I’m Explaining the Divorce to My Kids from Inside the New Akron Margaritaville

1. A Pirate Looks at Forty 2. Pencil Thin Mustache 3. Changes…

No Son Of Mine Is Going To Have Premarital Sex In My House. No, He’ll Have It In The Garage… That’s Where The Magic Happens!

I’m sorry, but if (and when) one of my sons breaks the sacred bonds of matrimonial bliss, then he best be doing it in our charming, romantic (and hot-as-hell) garage… because that’s where the magic goes down! 

Moms at the Beginning of Summer Vs. Moms at the End of Summer

June: “Oh, no, you might have swimmer’s ear. Get in the car, we’ll go straight to urgent care!” August: “Use your other ear.”

What Your Father’s Day Gift Says About Your Relationship With Your Dad

GPS watch: You used to turn to your dad for direction, but soon realized that all his advice was taken verbatim from a book he keeps in the bathroom called, “God Made Me Do It.”

I Just Found Out All My "World's Best Dad" Gifts are Mass-Produced and Now Father’s Day is Ruined

So, it was nice to know that all my hard work was paying off. Raising kids who are probably not psychopaths is fine, but I’m really in it for the World’s Best Dad coffee mugs, neckties, key chains, hats, and boxer shorts.

Itinerary Of A Plant Dad

11AM — Pia and our cat Lionel are finally getting along. I was getting worried for a moment we’d have to put him down.

Haunted Houses for Dads

This haunted house is filled with socks. I can handle this, you think, I love socks! You sift through the piles and a vague feeling of dread envelops you as you realize there are no white crew socks anywhere. Only ankle socks and no-shows. All garishly colored. You look down at your feet and your white crew socks are gone. Replaced with ridiculous-looking, no-show socks that are…blue? What the hell? You grab a hideous sock from the pile that is threatening to engulf you and stuff it in your mouth to quell the screaming.

Dad Jokes: Just the Punchlines

I don’t know, CAN you assume I don’t want to be resuscitated? and more punchlines from Dad Jokes.

Profiles of Men Who Have Earned the Title of “Super Dad”

David, 42, is a hedge fund manager and father of two children…

Scenes From Your Nihilistic Domestic Existence

First Steps   SPOUSE: Wait, did the baby just walk?   YOU:…

After 35 Years of Marriage, Dad Comes Out as Alien

STOWE, Ohio -- Following 35 years of marriage, and after seeing…

I am 100% Committed to Being a Dad 24 Minutes a Day

Before our son was born, I couldn’t quite comprehend how my…