Entries by Brooke Knisley


Best of 2024

Post-Election Emergency Memo From Your Corporation’s Head of User Experience

by Brooke Knisley
November 8, 2024

In light of recent events, I’ve been told by the upper echelons of our corporation to remind everyone that we should keep our political opinions to ourselves. They have assured me, and tasked me with assuring you, that corporate work exists in a beautiful, untouchable bubble floating above the needs and wellbeing of U.S. citizens—transitory, illusory, and ultimately unperturbed by the goings-on of the people the corporation aims to turn into customers. 

Best of 2024

Classic Works of Literature Updated for Gen Z

by Brooke Knisley
May 10, 2024

Alice’s Activism in Wonderland: Upon witnessing the Red Queen’s abuse of capital punishment, Alice’s disillusionment with the monarchy only grows as she encounters the populous of Wonderland falling into unhealthy coping mechanisms, drug use, and addiction in an attempt to distract from a tyrannical, “colorblind” head of state. Alice takes matters into her own hands to usurp the powers-that-be and help everyone get on the Caterpillar’s level with some solid smoke.

Originals

Statistics I’ve Shared Right Before Being Told ‘Let’s Agree to Disagree’

by Brooke Knisley
February 22, 2024

Jordan: Did you hear Chris say you can compost human waste if you do it right?—I’ve known the guy my whole life and have never seen him take an interest in shit. Me: Well, it’s a sad truth that “only 24% of people in major cities know all or most of their neighbors,” Pew Research. And don’t you and Chris have to take two trains to see each other? Means you’re essentially strangers.

CritWits

REVIEW: Rory Scovel’s Live Without Fear: We Love Live Fear

by Brooke Knisley
July 19, 2021

And if you’re as only good as your last joke, then stepping onto a stage with no material written certainly induces fear. Which is exactly what makes Live Without Fear so good: we’re seeing both a product and a process. 

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My Petitions

by Brooke Knisley and AJ DiCosimo
January 10, 2020

Extend The ‘Five-Second Rule’ To Food I’ve Dropped On The Floor To The End Of The Current Business Day, and more.

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As Your Fiction Workshop Instructor, I Don’t Want to Read Anything Less Than Beautiful—Or About Boats

by Brooke Knisley
May 22, 2019

“But what if it starts on a boat, but then the protagonist ends up on an island?” you may ask. To which I respond, “Didn’t I cover that with Defoe? You’re thinking of H.G. Wells, aren’t you, you obstinate monster? Or Charles Dickens’ seldom-discussed shipwrecked narratives, I bet, you contrarian beast? Did I stutter? No. Boats.”

originals

Sexist Double Standards I Hold About Men That Generic RideShare App™ Needs to Address

by Brooke Knisley
April 3, 2019

As a powerful woman who is supposed to hate all other women and nonbinary people almost as much as I hate myself, this email serves to confess I can’t. I just can’t and I need your help. It’s terrible and really going to limit my trajectory at Generic RideShare App™, but there are some sexist double-standards I just can’t help but have.

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Hubris, Hamartia or HELL YEAH?

by Brooke Knisley
January 3, 2019

We’re all gathered at the Colosseum today to talk about the unsettling allegations against people in my position. And you know that position: dick out.

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4 Sex Positions Where You Can Secretly Watch a Steve Harvey Hosted Show

by Brooke Knisley
August 17, 2018

Your significant or not-so-significant other may want to try something new — let them. Meanwhile, you can watch Steve Harvey dance with contestants on ‘Family Feud’ or laugh with guests on ‘STEVE’ via the phone you conveniently hid under your bed. Smart! But if they leave it up to you to choose the position, here […]