Depressing Karaoke Night

Just posted to KaraokeClubContest.com is the transcript from last night’s Karaoke night:

HOST: Oh, you came.  Welcome to Depressing Karaoke Night.  If you’re not bummed yet, you totally will be.  First up, we have Amanda coming up.  Hi, Amanda.

AMANDA: Hello.

HOST: So, what are you preparing to sing for us tonight?

AMANDA: “Dust in the wind.”

HOST: That’s a buzz kill.

AMANDA: Oh, for sure.

HOST: Take it away.  I’ll be over on the side checking my 401(k).

<Amanda sings off-key version of “Dust in the Wind.”>

HOST: Amazing job.  I can feel the apathy in the room.  Next up is…Rodney.

RODNEY: It’s pronounced Rod-NAY.

HOST: I should have guessed.  So, what brings you out to Karaoke night?

RODNEY: The urge to go out and mingle with people, but not actually connect with them.

HOST: Good, good.  So, what song are you going to sing?

RODNEY: “Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.”  Shout out to Gordon Lightfoot!

HOST: To honor the singer/composer!

RODNEY: No, my butcher.  He gives me the best cuts.

HOST: Your butcher is named Gordon Lightfoot, like the singer?

RODNEY: What singer?

HOST: The guy who wrote and sang the “Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.”

RODNEY: Really?  What are the odds?

HOST: Pretty high, I would think.

<Rodney sings a really dramatic version of “Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.”  You could practically hear the foghorns.>

HOST: No, no, guys, come back, come back.  We have to give our next singer a chance.  Rodney, sit.  Everyone sat for your song.  So, next up is Dave.  What are you going to sing?

DAVE: Monster Mash.

HOST: Leave.  You have to leave right now.

DAVE: Oh, man.

<Dave leaves, hands in pockets, muttering.>

HOST: That was a close one.  Okay, let’s bring up Debra now, everyone!

DEBRA: It’s pronounced Debra.

HOST: What did I say?

DEBRA: Debra.

HOST: Noted.  Okay, what song have you chosen for us?

DEBRA: I’ll be singing “Walking on Sunshine.”

HOST: Really?

DEBRA: No, I’m kidding.  I’ll be singing “Cat’s in the Cradle.”  This one’s for you, dad!

<Debra sings “Walking on Sunshine” and is escorted out.>

HOST: Terrific job…bouncers.  Bill and Ted, our bouncers!  Okay, people, settle down, settle down.  Okay, not that much. Our next performer is Eric.  Come on up, Eric!

ERIC: I love this!  Look time listener, first time singer!

HOST: Brave choice.  Now, what are you going to sing for us?

ERIC: “Yesterday!”

HOST: The perfect Beatles’ song to bring down the room!  Take it away, Eric.

<Eric sing a decent version of “Yesterday” but weirdly ends it with the “Na, na, na, na-na, na, na, na-na” chorus from “Hey Jude” which confused the crowd.>

HOST: What an odd attempted medley.  Depressing but for all the wrong reasons.  Okay, it’s our last song of the evening and I’ve been handed a note here, it’s from one of our singers, Amanda, she wants all of tonight’s performers to come up and join her for a song, so come on up, everyone, great, great.  Everyone up?  And the song will be…oh, no…“Do They Know it’s Christmas.”

<Power suddenly went off, audience cheered.>