Entries by Debra A. Klein


Originals

Prince Harry Joins Our Start Up

“VC” now also stands for Viscount. Employee “Google Bus” now stopping in Montecito. If Oprah boards, do not look her directly in the eye. We’re “on the way” to her favorite candle store, so she is, of course welcome to board, or as Harry put it, “What Oprah wants, Oprah gets!”

Originals

New “He’s Back” Fundraising Menu

$10,000 entering a vehicle he’s paraded in. $15,000 having Kayleigh breathe on you $20,000 enjoying a make out session with Hope (normal rates slashed in half!) 

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Revised Rides at Reopening Disney Shanghai

If You Thought It Was A Small World Before, Just Wait A Few More Weeks, The Tower of Terrible Tik Toks, Don’t Splash Anything On Me Mountain, and more.

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Overheard at the Westeros Starbucks

“Is my latte still not here? What, exactly, is the holdup? It’s like the Long Night in this place! I’m getting grayscale over here!”

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Carpool Karaoke, Sir Paul McCartney, Deleted Scenes

Sir Paul McCartney, (V.O.): That’s it. Now put a little more wrist into it. Oh, look ’round there. It’s the basement where the lads and I would bust a nut. Those were the original lyrics to “Yesterday,” you know. I needed three syllables. Bah-dah-dum.

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TRUMPO Phonetic Alphabet

The administration’s defense secretary said Trump may reduce America’s commitment to NATO. If that happens, it will trigger a change to the current NATO phonetic alphabet, [“R as in Roger”] in use for the past sixty years. The new official TRUMPO phonetic alphabet has leaked: A as in Anastasia B as in Buy Ivanka’s Strappy […]

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Oprah Winfrey is joining 60 Minutes

Oprah Winfrey is joining 60 Minutes as a Special Correspondent. The network has leaked some promos from the upcoming season: 1. You get a subpoena! And you get a subpoena! Everybody gets a subpoena! [Audience cheers.] 2. Is this really cashmere? Or is it actually just two-ply angora? [Tick-tick-tick-tick.] 3. [Knocks on door of fancy […]

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Procrastinators! You Can Still Move Away! Try Guam!

FYEO – Guam Chamber of Commerce Secret Plan For Attracting Residents From The Mainland With the Trump presidency a day away, time is running out to follow through on threats to leave the country. And while Canada’s Cape Breton Island welcome mat is inviting, that recent PBS show on coywolves mentioned the animals attacked and killed a man […]