Who Said It: Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth or a Samuel L. Jackson Character?
- “Nothing typed by someone’s thumbs has ever been important.”
- “No more beardos!”
- “I’m going to have to ask you to exit the donut.”
- “Everyone knows when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of ‘u’ and ‘umption’.”
- “WHERE IS MY SUPER SUIT?!”
- “Mankind is the virus, and I am the cure.”
- “It’s not just beans and bullets.”
- “Zeus! As in, father of Apollo? Mt. Olympus?”
- “I’ve said before and will say again, we are done with that shit.”
- “I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!”
- “And that’s the truth, Ruth.”
- “To our enemies, FAFO.”
- “Hold on to your butts.”
- “Let every round find its mark against the enemies of righteousness.”
- “I never did one thing right in my life, you know that? Not one. That takes skill.”
- “Ezekiel 25:17: The path is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men, Blessed is he who shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.”
Jackson: 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 10, 11, 13, 15
Hegseth: 2, 7, 9, 12, 14
Improbably, both: 16
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Meg Reid is a satirist and humor writer. She is a contributor at The Onion, McSweeney’s and Reductress. You can also find her work in Points in Case, Slackjaw, The Belladonna, and End of the Bench, among other publications. You can find her rants and ramblings on Twitter, Instagram, and Medium.
