Awkward, Horrible Places That Trump Has Tried To Turn Into Amazing Real Estate Opportunities

During his recent meeting with Kim Jung Un, President Trump marveled at his view of North Korea’s beaches, and was even inspired by what he saw as amazing real estate possibilities.    I guess you’d call that viewing the world through orange-tinted glasses?     And this was no rare, one time instance, sadly.  Here are the other examples of Awkward, Horrible Places That Trump Has Tried To Turn Into Amazing Real Estate Opportunities:

Site of multi-car crash involving the deaths of several Trump family friends

“Sad, very sad.  These were, to the best of my recollection, fine people.   Good people.   Some people like to set up the little crosses and things by the road… near the site of the accident.   I think that Mexicans do that?   That seems…  I don’t know about that.    I’d rather see a new Cheesecake Factory, right?   Something cheerful.   Something to turn that frown upside down.    They have good stuff, the Cheesecake Factory.   Not just cheesecake, either.    Burgers and stuff too.”

Mass graves unearthed near areas of land fought on during Ugandan Civil War

“Memories of past tragedies can be hard… difficult to swallow.     Not difficult to swallow?    The wings, cheese twisties and other appetizers at every Thongs N’ Bongs Bikini Hookah Bar location.   And this seems like a prime spot.   The people who live here… who is it again?   Anyway, I’m sure that they have beads and painted rocks and so on to trade for wings and sliders.   A little culture would do them good.”

Site of severely burnt mosque
“Well this sort of thing just makes me very sad.   Yep, very sad.   People shouldn’t be persecuted for their religious beliefs.   Even if those beliefs are weird and unpleasant.    It also makes me sad when people get persecuted for their weight.   People can’t help it if they’re a bit overweight!   And even if they can, that’s no reason to say mean things.   Even if they’re children, who are usually okay with being treated rudely.    That’s what makes me think that this particular spot would be perfect for one of my world-renowned Camp Trump For Portly Yet Eager Youngsters locations.    Well, that and the smell, which is reminding me of sizzling pork products, which I began my love affair with as a portly child myself.”

Cult-related mass suicide site

“Such a waste.   I feel like I can say that.   Suicide… such a waste.    These people… they weren’t important people.   No one will remember them, or that they killed themselves here.    But regardless, it’s still a waste.    They seemed to be hippies or something, but regardless…  it’s kind of sad, right?    I’m going to do something here…  a gesture.   Something to honor and remember these hippies.    This would be a fantastic spot for a Trump’s Tramps Wet T-Shirt Burger Bistro.  To honor their memories, and so on.    Mention the suicides and get five percent… no, seven percent…  off of a bacon burger and lap dance combo.   Tell them Trump sent you.   Actually, don’t mention my name.   You don’t know me.”

Areas of Puerto Rico still affected by hurricane damage

“You know…  I’m kind of sick of hearing about this.    As far as I’m concerned, it’s fake news.    These people, they’re doing fine.    But if they keep up their squawking, we can quickly drop a Trump In Trunks Elite Water Park somewhere in the area.    They seem to enjoy sliding around in water, right?”

Site of Megalithic Ruins in Russia

“Now these ruins…  what is it about that word?   Ruins?   I don’t know, right?   Something about it.    Russia is a wonderful place, and the word “ruin” shouldn’t be associated with such a grand place.   We need something to add a bit of pizzazz, right?   I’d move Yankee Stadium to this exact spot.   Call it ‘Trump National Yankee Stadium’.    Giuliani won’t get boo’ed there, I can tell you.   Well, he might, but only once.   Only once, I can tell you.    Then the boo’ers, well…. they’ll be dealt with.  That’s all I’m saying.”