Awkward Interactions Explained by a Guy Who’s Read Famous Author Malcolm Gladwell’s Books Too Much

Leaving the Apartment: 

This morning as I was headed out to work, I ran into my neighbor from down the hall. Neither of us stopped to chat, but we both sipped our coffee. According to famous author Malcolm Gladwell, this is how we make decisions in a “Blink”. We’re thinking without thinking and here had one of us said hello the other would have said hello back.

 

Getting to the Subway Station: 

After arriving at the subway station, there is a myriad of other commuters that I’ve never met. I avoid eye contact and don’t talk to anyone. Famous author Malcolm Gladwell would say this is an example of me not knowing how to talk to strangers and assuming the worst in them. My mother used to say “Gerald don’t talk to strangers. Of course, I don’t have to worry about that with your quirky personality.” Haha! Mom was no psychologist.

 

Calling into the Meeting: 

Ugh, meetings. I call into my meeting and immediately hit mute. My boss asks, “Do you want to share any thoughts Gerald?” and I don’t answer. This is an example of how default settings impact us. By defaulting to my mute button, I don’t end up talking to anyone. This is the complete opposite of what would happen if the famous author Malcolm Gladwell called me. When I would answer my phone wouldn’t be on mute, and we’d get to talking. I’d say “how’s your mother doing Malcolm?” and he’d say something like “Not too great because she is trying to get into crocheting but she’s only crocheted for 9,550 hours so she still sucks at it.” And I’d be like “oh yeah I think I read somewhere that you need to do something for 10,000 hours to be any good”. Man, famous author Malcolm Gladwell would be pumped to hear that! “Oh hey, you must have read my famous books because I wrote about that!” he’d say proudly.

Remaining In the Meeting: 

So it turns out I thought I had hit mute but accidentally did not. My boss says “Gerald are you okay? We can hear you breathing on the line.”. I begin to breathe heavier because famous author Malcolm Gladwell talks about the importance of meditation. I really hope famous author Malcolm Gladwell would be proud of me.

 

Getting a Call from Mom: 

In the afternoon I hear my phone ringing and it’s my biggest fan, my Mom! As it’s ringing, I remember how she says she’s “so proud of the young man I’ve turned into”. I love those sweet memories. Now I’m remembering that when I got coffee at the office earlier this morning, I left enough for a half a cup and didn’t start a new pot of coffee. Is that something a “nice young man” would do? I’m a mean young man who’s getting older every second. I’ve let famous author Malcolm Gladwell down too. No way is his target audience mean middle-aged men who don’t make fresh pots of coffee. I send the call to voicemail because I can’t disappoint Mom or famous author Malcolm Gladwell. This is an example of the liking principle. We are more likely to like people who compliment us as my Mom compliments me.

 

Coffee Date with my Wife: 

I’m scheduled to meet up with my wife for coffee before we head home! I love these dates last time I made this great pun, and she said: “Ha that’s funny.” I guess it was funny! Wait, I realize I have no pun ideas or jokes or even limericks. This is going to be a massive disappointment to my wife. Women love funny men, and if I’m not funny it’ll be the tipping point as famous author Malcolm Gladwell says. This will be the culmination of little things that aren’t good enough for my wife and she’ll divorce me and marry someone else. It’d probably be someone funnier than me too. Someone I can’t compete with like famous author Malcolm Gladwell. She’s definitely going to marry him and tell him how lame I am and famous author Malcolm Gladwell will hate me. You know what maybe I’ll skip the coffee.

 

Getting Back Home: 

I walk through my door and greet my cats. This is not because of psychology; it’s just because I have an outgoing personality. I really wish famous author Malcolm Gladwell could have seen this.