High horse happy. Today's cartoon by Holly Todd.

CARTOON: Hissteria

Was the forked tongue from your father's side? 🐍

Fantasy Mother’s Day Gifts for Moms of Small Children Presented in Increasing Order of Implausibility

One full week of school which is not cut short due to a holiday closure, early pick up or communicable illness. And more!

Welcome to Mom’s Night at the Swanky Swill

It’s our annual Mom’s Night Out here at the Swanky Swill, and have we got a treat for all you fecund females. Surprise! Our mixologist, Klock, has been eavesdropping on your Mommy and Me therapy sessions —I mean classes— for weeks in order to get some real life inspiration for tonight’s libations menu. (Did you really believe that the mustachioed guy at the back of the community center in the jumpsuit and vintage ascot was the janitor? Ha!

CARTOON: Maturing Tastes

And a distaste for many other things. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

CARTOON: Second of Appreciation

What did you want, a whole 2 minutes of quiet? Today's cartoon by Dan Misdea.

Voicemails From My Kombucha Mother (SCOBY) Who I’ve Neglected In The Back Of The Fridge

Hi, me again. I still haven’t heard back from you. Need I remind you, young lady, of how you’ve treated your poor mother? You were so excited to make your own Kombucha. You did it for five weeks until you abruptly quit. This is so like you. First it was ballet, then saxophone lessons, then your MFA program. And now, this?! You abandoned me in this plastic Tupperware. You don’t even have the decency to put your mother in a glass container?!

9 Interesting Facts About Babies For People Thinking About Having One

A personal frustration, but when my baby was born I was shocked to learn that he hadn’t seen any of the Rocky movies. I remember once when I was burping him in a crowded park and someone’s phone rang with “Eye of the Tiger” as the ringtone and I said to my baby “Rocky III, nice!” And I could tell based on his wide-eyes and lack of response that the little guy had no idea what I was talking about.

You're Leaving The Playground All Wrong

Wait, why is your toddler yelling that you’re a stranger who’s trying to lure her out of the playground with candy? Did you hear that - your daughter used the word “lure.” She has a GREAT vocabulary. Oh, right, not really the point. Take her hand and start walking out of the playground. No, she shouldn’t be screaming like that. Oh wow, that’s a lot of cop cars. 

CARTOON: Game Night

They grow up and crush you so fast. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

No, I Don’t Have A Gambling Problem And Here’s My Bank Statement From My Family Trip To The Carnival To Prove It

Milk bottle game: –$3 Milk bottle game: –$3 Milk bottle game: –$3 Attempt to pay off the carnival game worker: –$25

Last Minute Mothers' Day Gift Ideas

Tapioca Rocca- Our catchy nickname for the hottest gift this Mothers' Day, a miniature sculpture of Al Roker made entire of tapioca pudding! And while it is indeed the hottest gift of this season, don't actually get it hot, or even warm. The smell is just horrible.

CARTOON: Mom Wipes

You got a little something on your cheek. Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

One-Minute Coronavirus Mysteries

Yesterday morning, you baked a loaf of chocolate chip banana bread.  This morning, there was no chocolate chip banana bread left.  Why? (A: You ate the entire loaf last night in six minutes while ugly-crying about the future of humanity.)

Jimmy Buffet Song or How I’m Explaining the Divorce to My Kids from Inside the New Akron Margaritaville

1. A Pirate Looks at Forty 2. Pencil Thin Mustache 3. Changes…

Awkward Interactions Explained by a Guy Who's Read Famous Author Malcolm Gladwell's Books Too Much

So it turns out I thought I had hit mute but accidentally did not. My boss says "Gerald are you okay? We can hear you breathing on the line.". I begin to breathe heavier because famous author Malcolm Gladwell talks about the importance of meditation. I really hope famous author Malcolm Gladwell would be proud of me.

No Son Of Mine Is Going To Have Premarital Sex In My House. No, He’ll Have It In The Garage… That’s Where The Magic Happens!

I’m sorry, but if (and when) one of my sons breaks the sacred bonds of matrimonial bliss, then he best be doing it in our charming, romantic (and hot-as-hell) garage… because that’s where the magic goes down! 

Moms at the Beginning of Summer Vs. Moms at the End of Summer

June: “Oh, no, you might have swimmer’s ear. Get in the car, we’ll go straight to urgent care!” August: “Use your other ear.”

Your Mom's New Inspirational Wall Art

In This Family We Love, Laugh, and At Least Consider Grad School, Your Cousin Went. And more.

CARTOON: Smotherly Love

Now wipe that schmutz off your face! Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.


From Here To Maternity, Raiders of the Lost Matriarch, 10 Things I Hate About Your Dirty Room and more #MomAMovie in this week's trending game!

Surprise! The Meanest Girl From High School is Now Someone's Mom

Well, either way, her baby is our nation’s future and Meghan, the girl who painted her face red, punched your dad in the throat, and then pants-ed him (with underwear) is now in charge of it!

Valentine's From Your Mom's New Boyfriend

You're a the way OWL be moving my Bowflex into your playroom.

Dear Mother's Needlepoint


We Got You This Beautiful Charm Bracelet For Mother’s Day

Mom, we love you so deeply that this Mother’s Day we got you…

"Oh Crap! It's Mother's Day" 14 Last Minute Gift Ideas

Who has time to bake a cake? Little Debbie, that's who. Social…