Best Bargains At The New 10 Dollar Store
Original Version Of The Bible– We have stacks of these bibles that have no affiliation with Trump, and no one seems to want them anymore. These will definitely be very collectible soon, though; particularly in a few years when no one even remembers that there was ever a version of the Bible not completely plastered with Trump’s name and image.
Peeps (from last Easter): Look, these were never particularly edible to begin with, but at least now you can use their hardened-concrete texture and weight to throw through Planned Parenthood windows. Or let them sit overnight in a clay pot of rainwater to make soup once things get really bad in the very near future.
All Neckties!: Whether for the holidays or just a night on the town for a scheduled political conditioning display, we have what you need! Please note, all neckties, electrical chords, garden hose extensions and bits of rope are available only following a week long waiting period during times of widespread financial distress and market turmoil.
Over The Counter Pharmaceutical Blitz!!!: We have dozens of generic brand cold and flu remedies, ready to mix and match at your whim! So many potential meth combinations, and as you saw in the parking lot on your way into the store, many much worse ways of making a little extra cash.
A Hug: Hey, who couldn’t use a hug these days, right? Many of our employees are soft, sumptuous and perfect for quick, unsustained moments of human contact. (Corporate policy states that customers must ensure to check pockets / purses for missing phone, wallet and other personal items following hug).
Cush And Plushies: You could be living the plush life with our selection of small, cute animal plushies! Most can be hollowed out and the stuffing replaced by small valuables and jewelry, drugs and / or homemade weaponry; not a foolproof solution to smuggling dangers and concerns, but a good way to at least give your rectum a little break.
Your Dog Edgar: We know, you’re probably pretty angry. But look, it’s only ten bucks! We’ll even let you have the bag that we used for the abduction. TEMPORARY abduction, because we knew of course that you would take care of things, okay? Go into the back yard with him for five minutes next time and you won’t have to worry about stuff like this.
