Classic Male Movies Remade as “Feminist” Flicks

Ghostbusters, Oceans 8, and the coming-soon remakes of timeless stories like ‘What a Woman Wants’ have shown us that women have very low standards for what is considered a feminist “win” for Hollywood. So here are my pitches for the next ballbuster blockbuster…

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Diet Hard

Jane McClane must lose 10 pounds before German supermodel Heidi
Gruber’s Christmas Eve Party.

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The [Fairy] Godmother

She’ll make her an offer she can’t refuse…. but it’s all over at midnight.

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Braveheartbroken

He offered her freedom when the only thing she wanted was love…

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Cat Fight Club

The first rule of this sexy, fierce remake: Never stop talking about it.

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Good Will Shopping

In the midst of mandatory retail therapy, a woman discovers she has
advanced bargain-shopping skills.

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Adrian
She finds a man who will fight for her.

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Adrian II
Pretty much the same as the first one.

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Adrian III
We’re not sure why there’s a third one.

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Adrian IV

Adrian goes to Russia!

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Adrian V

She must come to terms with her future as the nurse to a braindead former
boxer.

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The Goonie-sitters Club

A group of babysitters lose their kids and call the police like responsible
teenagers. There’s also a cute boy next door who helps.

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Scarface

Antonia finds a great scarf.

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Dirty Hairy

Summer is coming, but she hasn’t shaved her legs in months… Do you feel
lucky?

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What About Barb

A woman takes baby steps toward, you guessed it, a baby.

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