Shaving your dad’s back has always been a unique balance between comfort and discomfort, bright shiny joy and near crippling malaise. Sure, it’s a beloved tradition, but long, icy periods of uncomfortable silence can take what should be a pleasant situation and turn it instead into a depressing chore. It doesn’t have to be that way, however! Follow our few hints and soon you’ll be savoring and passing along a beloved family tradition for generations to come!
If using a nonelectric razor, you can spice things up considerably by making tractor noises with your mouth.
That tuft on the right shoulder that seems to grow more quickly than other areas? That wispy ring protecting a small cluster of skin tags? Do yourself a favor and save your favorite spots for the end! That will make the process all the sweeter.
Take a page from the crusty tomes of your forefathers and spray your dad’s back hair with a generous amount of hair spray. Once it hardens, break the hairs off in one fell swoop with a quality-brand ice scraper.
Needing to earn a bit of extra money on the side? Scoop up the latest batch of your dad’s back-hair trimmings and sell to your stepmother for use in her collection of ex-husband voodoo dolls.
A couple of cleverly placed hidden phone cameras and viola, you’ve now got your very own streaming video website! The world is a sick, horrifying place, and hundreds of sad, emotionally-crippled individuals will be happy to pay you for your labor of love.
If the restaurant staff begins to complain, in a friendly but stern fashion remind them that 2:45 in the afternoon at a Norwegian buffet probably isn’t the best time to turn their noses up at those who are willing to pay extra for iced tea refills.
Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence