Healthy Habits to Multi-Task While You Work, by Occupation

Project Manager

Eating Healthy, Crunchy Meals Off Mute During Zoom Call Presentations: Food fuels the body, so it’s essential to be eating healthy, whole, and nutritious foods during the work day. But what if you have back-to-back Zoom presentation meetings? Eat the crunchiest, loudest fruits and vegetables on your Zoom calls while you present, and before you know it, you’ll not only have more energy, but you won’t be invited to presentation meetings anymore because everyone will be so disgusted by you! You’ll actually have time to take your hour lunch, and have more open time on your calendar to get your actual work done.

---

 

Environmental Scientist

Pause To Take Deep Breaths And Inhale Pollution: Working in the STEM field can be stressful when each day you’re fighting for funding from a government that doesn’t believe in climate change. But there’s a way to still live life healthily while on the job. We recommend buying a premium Headspace membership with your entire paycheck, take a few deep breaths, and start inhaling the pollution you’re studying. You’ll be in such a meditative state you’ll forget that the environment you’re studying is actively killing you.

---

 

Software Developer

Practice Self-Care By Creating Your Own Sauna With Your Sweat By Talking to a Female Colleague: You spend all day coding, but not enough time breaking a good ol’ sweat and releasing those bad toxins you have from drinking all those Red Bulls. But now there’s an answer to how you get your sweat on in a healthy way. Just by attempting to talk to the one girl in your department, you’ll be drenched in sweat like you just finished an hour-long session in the sauna at the spa. The best part? You won’t get in trouble with HR because the girl won’t even consider you flirting because you’ll be so bad at it.

---

 

Sometimes it’s hard to get a full 8 hours at night when you can’t fall asleep in fear that you make a mistake and would be responsible for the deaths of hundreds or even thousands of people. There’s no better time than taking a quick siesta once the planes have taken off and are totally safe at 40,000 feet, probably.

---

 

Middle Manager

Limit Your Screen Time By Walking Away From Your Laptop So That Your Team Can Actually Get Work Done: Being the big dog, it seems like everyone on your team needs something from you, all the time–or do they? Or maybe they actually just want to be left alone for five minutes so they can actually do their work instead of being interrupted by you, who doesn’t even know how to do their job? Regardless, micromanaging–we mean, managing, is an incredibly tough role to be in, and there are only countless millions of managers who can relate to you. Instead of pinging your subordinates at 7pm on Friday, try limiting your screen time and stepping away for a while, maybe forever. Reduced screen time has proven to be helpful with sleep, but you’ll also boost productivity for your entire team because you won’t be sending them seven 30-minute check-ins throughout the day!

---

 

Cyber Security Officer

Co-Work With Friends and Reveal Confidential U.S. Government Secrets: Sometimes when you’re always on the job, it feels like you barely have enough time to see your friends and socialize–so why not combine the two? Co-working has shown to be beneficial in that it actually helps you focus on your work, get more done, and be more likely to spill confidential, high-profile government secrets that you have signed an NDA for. It’s a win-win because your friends will finally understand what you actually do all day, and you can finally exhale and talk about those darn aliens they’re keeping in a warehouse in Arizona–at least until you’re taken away in handcuffs!

---

 

Chief Financial Officer

Work Out In Your Home Gym During House Arrest: Being on house arrest for committing a white collar crime is part of the job, so it’s time you make the most of it. You know how to crunch numbers in your favor, now let’s crunch those abs at that home gym you built when you lost custody of your kid. Getting those gains doesn’t just increase your energy, it will also prepare you for your return back to the company where you committed the crime that will welcome you home with open arms to do it all again.

---

 

Heart Surgeon

Swap Hearts With A Patient That’s Healthier Than You: When you’re a surgeon, you spend all day trying to make others healthy. But isn’t it time to focus on you? The Cheerios alone aren’t cutting it, so it’s time to start thinking about your heart health. The next time you’re doing open-heart surgery, just simply substitute your patient’s healthier heart (yes, even healthier than yours at this point) with your deteriorating one. They’re asleep, but your new body is awake and ready to attack the day with a full, healthy heart.

---