House Resolution: Renaming Donald Trump’s “Transition” Team to Reflect That He Is Biologically President

House Resolution: Renaming Donald Trump’s “Transition” Team to Reflect That He Is

Biologically President

H.R. 47

119th CONGRESS

1^st Session

 

Mr. Michael Johnson, the Speaker of THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, submitted the following:

Resolved, by the House of Representatives of the United States, assembled to prohibit individuals from using the name “Transition” Team or any variations of that name that suggest the president is involved in a transition.

Whereas the “Transition” Team shall be renamed to align with Donald Trump’s congenital status as commander-in-chief, reflecting the reality that there are just two conditions: president and non-president.

DEFINITIONS:

TRANSITION: The term “Transition” refers to the egregious partisan notion that a known entity can transform into something slightly different – an ideology that leads to frightening consequences that include (but are not limited to) federally unregulated genitalia and the implication that Donald Trump has not been president continuously since his birth in 1946.

TEAM: The term “Team” refers to a group of individuals working toward a common goal, and it may be restored for use in future endeavors, contingent on the passage of H.R. 45 resolving to put an “I” in “Team” (whereas the word shall now be spelled, “Teim”).

BIOLOGICALLY PRESIDENT: The term “Biologically President” (or “Biological President”) refers to God’s determination as to whether someone is really president.

1.     A “Biological President” is naturally “male,” meaning an individual who has, had, or would have, but for a historical polo accident, the reproductive system that at some point produces, transports, and ejects sperm for exclusively male purposes, such as fertilization or so-called “sexual assault,” which is defined as the legal and victim-less playboy antics of a rogue, rake, or rapscallion.

2.     An individual who is “Biologically President” possesses the inherited characteristics to assume control of multiple homes decorated with at least $7 million in gold leaf, so that wherever he resides, courtiers surround him, seeking favor and paying feudal dues.

3.     “Biological President” refers to an individual prohibited from combat operations because, as the celestial authority over a country and a people, his presence poses an unsafe distraction. He maintains the right to bestow knighthoods upon his children and to share his plunder with courtiers known by the title Baron.

4.     The term “Biological President” refers to an individual who has no experience with losing elections, and thus, shall be considered sovereign retroactively and in perpetuity. Moreover, because a Biological President is constitutionally ill-suited to losing, he is banned from participating in amateur sports.

5.     A “Biological President” is an individual who it is a Class E felony to impersonate in the presence of minors. A public school or library performer who is not the “Biological President” is strictly prohibited from exhibiting hairspray, extra-long neckties, bronzer or other physical markers of presidential cabaret entertainment.

6.     The one true “Biological President” is an individual who shares the bathroom only with troves of classified national documents.

BE IT ENACTED BY THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES THAT:

The body formerly known as the “Transition Teim,” shall continue in its role supporting the immaculate ascension of the presidency under the new name, “Keep Inaugurations Nationalist and Great” (K.I.N.G.) and its members shall serve at the Biological President’s pleasure.

EXCEPTIONS:

None. Until and unless the Donald Trump decides otherwise, the Biological President and K.I.N.G. function as one and the same.