How to Trick Your Hairdresser into Suggesting Bangs So You Don’t Have to

Follow these tips to get beautiful bangs without admitting you desperately covet the drapes of the upper face.

Set the tone with a fun pun 

Greet your hairdresser and then immediately joke about the size of your forehead by calling it a “fivehead.” This highly original wordplay will inspire him to think creatively too.

Mention bang-blessed celebrities at every opportunity and non-opportunity

When your hairdresser asks asks for your life update, nod and murmur, “Zooey Deschanel.”

Employ reverse psychology

When he asks, “What can I do for you today?,” respond, “NOT bangs.”

Step up your subliminal hint game

Yawn a lot as he examines your hair for split ends. A minimum of eight yawns is ideal. If he doesn’t get the hint, say, “I’m SO tired. Betcha can’t guess why.” Before he can guess, say, “My upstairs neighbors were BANGING all night.” Then raise your eyebrows as high as they will go–like to where your new bangs might fall–and wait for him to catch on.

Use positive affirmation

Ask a question and then affirm your hairdresser’s response by making finger-fireworks and exclaiming, “Bang bang bang!” “Bang” thrice is literally “bangs.”

Do a Martha Washington

Wait until your locks are nice and shampooed to pull out your favorite childhood pool-party trick. Flip all of your wet hair forward on your face and then over and back for a classic Martha Washington. Make sure to scooch the hair on your forehead down into the bang region. Gaze at your reflection and say, “Iiiiiinnnnnteresting” and then stare him down without breaking eye contact or even blinking. As the saying definitely goes, the eyes are the window to the [goal] (of getting bangs).

Bring a 3D visual of your ideal cut

Specifically, bring a mop.

Throw things, but in a casual way

Reach into your purse then casually and completely by accident fling one of your wigs with bangs across the room.

Stay quiet during the cut to avoid being a distraction

Your hairdresser needs to focus if he is going to come up with the idea of giving you bangs all on his own. If he asks you a question about the cut, blink once for yes and blink twice for no. He probably won’t get it and will ask if you have something in your eye. It doesn’t matter. What’s important is that he will not be distracted by a conversation with you. This is key.

If all else fails, then critique his handiwork

Break your silence to say, “the front pieces look a little bit uneven.” Critique his symmetry as he cuts a little from each side until you get face-framing layers and…he’s doing it…he is “so sorry” but–and he sincerely hopes you’ll forgive him for this suggestion—the only way to save this cut is BANGS.

It’s happening!

Stay cool. YES, girl!  YOU’RE DOING BANGS!

YOU HAVE BANGS

You’re a whole new woman! Like, actually—your name is Tiffany now. (Unless your name was already Tiffany. Then your name is Beatrice.)