Inadvertent Straight Pride Parades
A live podcast recording of “The Joe Rogan Experience”
A screening of The Revenant in theaters
The Coney Island Boardwalk
The checkout line at Modell’s
A Magic: The Gathering meetup
A Nantucket nightclub
The parking lot outside a strip joint
A Wharton Alumni Reunion
A Zac Brown Band tailgate
A UCB sketch comedy team
An Insane Clown Posse show
Most podcast recording rooms
The Second Vatican Council
A Hell’s Angels bridge race
A Serial Killer Conference at the Javits Center
A home screening of Die Hard at Fred’s place
A stand up open mic
An animosity ridden Zog Sports Kickball Awards Ceremony
A New Year’s Eve Phish Concert at Madison Square Garden
A game of friendly, but ultimately hostile, East Hampton beach football
A circle of Cards Against Humanity players at Brad’s abode who are passionately, unironically, and overly humored by the Dick Cheese, Mother Theresa, and Malcom X cards
A team of Catskills Zipline instructors with dreadlocks who reject the idea of possessions and insist that ziplining, “Makes you feel like you’re flying maaan!”
A group of grown men flying to Las Vegas for Vince’s bachelor party, armed with condoms, stimulants, and dollar bills, each with a vicious determination to slay Nevada puss and possibly get arrested for counting cards
A gaggle of alleged male feminists gathered at a cocktail bar in Greenpoint wearing square glasses, knit sweaters, and crocs, subtly vilifying Brene Brown for corrupting their otherwise emotionally invulnerable and obedient girlfriends
A herd of penises at a Silicon Valley startup team meeting that have come together as a unit to suggest to their 23-year-old boss that their office space desperately needs a second ping pong table
A group of seven jacked brothers who each claim on dating apps that they understand women because they have one baby sister, Cindy, who really, just by BEING a woman, has taught them all so much about femininity and sensitivity…all seven brothers also insist that their lovely mother, Mindy, who is ALSO a woman and undeniably strong, has influenced them to be staunch SUPPORTERS and 100% NOT PERPETRATORS of the Me Too Movement
A group of amateur comedians who whisper to each other that, despite all the damage he’s done, they still secretly adore Louie, and continue to gossip about how they have illegally pirated Lucky Louie, Louie, and all of Louie’s Netflix specials onto their laptops, maintaining that their support of him is an expression of healthy patriotism and free speech and NOT one of subliminal and stubborn anti-feminism
A squad of hideous and depraved imbeciles who, while at work, happily cackle next to a drawing of female reproductive organs with the word OURS written on top of them in big red letters, insisting that, were HE watching, their guffaws would be lauded and approved by THE LORD (a.k.a the Presidential Cabinet)
A large portion of humanity, who have been actively marching in a worldwide Straight Pride Parade since the dawn of time to both celebrate and cultivate patriarchy, misogyny, homophobia, white supremacy, socioeconomic inequality, racism, hate, and extremely mediocre sex
Coachella
- About the Author
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Maggie Lalley is a stand up comedian and writer living in New York City. She has been published in McSweeney’s, The Belladonna Comedy, Points in Case, Slackjaw, and is a regular columnist for Little Old Lady Comedy.
