Top 20 Predictions For 2023 by Nostradamus’ Cousin Barney
20. The movie of the year is Carrot Top Gun.
19. First electric car wins the Indy 500 with four drivers carpooling.
18. Beer gardens and French bull dogs Out, therapy journals and crying clubs In.
17. Best-selling book of the year is Jane Austen Is Great In Bed.
16. Lincoln Center is converted into pickleball courts.
15. Donald Trump is court-ordered to electric convulsive therapy.
14. Zac Wilson gets a restraining order from MET Stadium.
13. Pete Davidson marries Ellen DeGeneres & Portia de Rossi.
12. The Paris Summer Olympics makes Twerking an official Olympic sport.
11. El Niño is added to Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter as the new fifth season of the year.
10. Laura Ingram promises she will no longer brake for babies or kittens.
9. Jerry Seinfeld announces he is only 38.
8. Snoop Dogg will become Speaker of the House.
7. The word unpack will no longer be used in the literal sense, and will be replaced by the verb, to unsuitcase.
6. Kevin McCarthy will introduce a bill in the House that replaces New Year’s predictions with mandatory rewriting of history.
5. The most popular baby names for 2023 will be Rybelsus and Skyrizi, after the prescription drugs constantly advertised.
4. The letter V will be replaced by the emoji of a golden retriever.
3. The NY Mets hire the first robot manager.
2. The first time a squirrel stars in his own a TV sitcom, We’re All Skittish Now.
1. The biggest trend for 2023 will be the Fantasy Pickleball.
Bob Eckstein is an award-winning illustrator, New Yorker cartoonist, and snowman expert. He is a New York Times bestseller and his new book The Elements of Stress and the Pursuit of Happy-Ish in This Current Sh*tstorm. He is coming out with The Complete Book of Cat Names (That Your Cat Won’t Answer to, Anyway) in August 2022.